Wow, controversial topic!

Yesterday's blog entry caused quite a storm on my Facebook page.  I hit a few nerves, by equating poor nutritional decisions on behalf of parents with child abuse and by suggesting a link between ADHD and nutritional choices.  There was a lot of emotion at the suggestion of a link between a diagnosed condition and nutritional choices, which is seen as perpetuating misperceptions and judgment about a real disease and the choices parents must make when their child has it.  A few opinions about the perception of my lumping a mother who is "doing the best she can" into the same category as a criminal who whips his child and locks him in the basement.  Anger about the fact that we are indeed becoming an unhealthy, unsightly, unquestioning society of people who think it's okay to encourage obese children to consume thousands of empty calories every day.

I admit I like to rock the boat.  When I told my friend Meg later what was going on on Facebook (she doesn't have a FB account), her immediate reaction was, "you do love to piss people off, don't you!"  I answered, "No - I much rather they agree with me or at the very least start to question what they take for granted."  Of course, I don't think a mother, who is clearly unhappy with herself (remember, I'm not talking about someone who thinks she needs to lose a few pounds, I'm talking obesity here), and who for whatever reason either doesn't know that her child is also obese and should not be diving into the Super Size anything, or simply has relinquished all control - of course I don't think she should be locked up with child beaters and molesters.  This is not about passing judgment or legislation.  Nor is it about me pretending to know what God would think, though plenty of verses do give me an inkling, such as:

Or do you not know that your body is a Temple of the Holy Spirit within you, whom you have from God?  You are not your own, for you were bought with a price.  So Glorify God in your body. (Corinthians 6:19-20)

The good thing about throwing in an emotional phrase like "child abuse" is it gets people's attention.  These days we are so insensitive to the information we get on a continuous basis from all the media, that it takes certain words or images to wake us up out of our collective slumber.  The bad thing about mentioning child abuse and ADHD is it gets people going off on tangents and perhaps missing the main point.  As I stated, nobody knows definitively what causes ADHD.  I completely agree with the moms who posted comments regarding the misperceptions about ADHD sufferers and their parents.  As a teacher, I had several ADHD children who were given a medical diagnosis and there is clearly a chemical imbalance.  Their condition is not the result of a steady diet of Lucky Charms, 3-7 hours of daily electronics, along with few parent-enforced boundaries or bedtimes (that's a whole other can of worms for another snowy day).  A child with ADHD and his family deserve compassion.  In fact, everyone deserves compassion, because we never know what is going on within people and families.  I received several personal messages yesterday in response to the blog and the ensuing firestorm, that made my heart break and also told me I'd done the right thing by stirring the pot here.

However way you want to look at it, the facts speak for themselves:

• one-third of American children are overweight
• according to the Mayo Clinic, childhood obesity can lead to: Type 2 diabetes; metabolic syndrome; high cholesterol & high blood pressure; asthma and other breathing problems; sleep disorders; early puberty or menstruation; low self esteem; bullying; behavioral & learning problems; depression
• 3 out of 4 young adults ages 17-24 are too fat to fight for our country, according to NPR

Now, ask yourself, is a parent who enables a child to head down this path, not guilty of some sort of neglect?  Doctors must take the Hippocratic Oath, which includes the following:

...I will prevent disease whenever I can, for prevention is preferable to cure.  I will remember that I remain a member of society, with special obligations to all my fellow human beings... 

Although when we leave the maternity ward we're not asked to sign any similar agreement, isn't it implicit that this is something we agree to undertake as part of our role as parents?

So, the question is, what are we going to do about this?  Lisa, on FB, suggested mandatory nutritional education.  But I'm pretty sure that's already happening in the schools.  My 4th grader told me how bummed she is they don't get to work out in PE these days.  Horrified, I asked why?  She told me they were learning about the Food Pyramid.  Please tell me someone else sees the absurdity of this?  They are not allowed to run around outside during recess because of the snow (another absurd concept-isn't that the whole point of snow?) and they are not playing games or sports in PE because instead they are being taught about the Food Pyramid.

I am a huge fan of changing society by changing the way moms see themselves and the world around them.  Why do you think Oprah is such an architect of change?  She can make an unknown author a bestseller in 5 minutes, bring much-needed attention to the plight of disenfranchised populations, launch careers for people such as Dr. Phil.  Look who her viewers are. Her target audience is women between the ages of 25-49.  Women in that age group have the most influence of any group in society.  Doubt your influence?  Think of the last time you had a crappy day.  How did the day go for the rest of your family?  I say, Happy Mommy, Happy Baby/Kid/Husband.  We set the mood for our family, like it or not, which is why I'm so gung-ho on us taking care of our health and happiness.  You know, like when you get on the airplane and the flight attendant tells you that should the cabin lose pressure and the mask comes down, put your own on before tending to your child.  Same concept.

Our children are taking their cues from us.  And not just the verbal ones - in fact, they are noting our actions more than our words.  When I go to the local amusement park and see the clusters of obese families, I don't think, "gosh, poor things, they were dealt a crappy set of genes!"  Instead, I think, "gosh, poor things, those children are not being taught how to live a healthy lifestyle!"  As moms we readily accept the responsibility to ensure that our children are educated, safe, receive a spiritual foundation of some sort, are clothed, fed, healthy.  (Note: I do acknowledge that in many cases, dads are the primary caregivers, I say "mom" for the sake of simplicity and because it's more commonly the mom).  Yes, healthy.  The facts I list above tell me something's gone awry with our parenting, and it's up to us moms to change this.

I mention Oprah, and someone else on FB mentioned the fact people watch so much TV that maybe The Biggest Loser will start to change opinions.  Perhaps some well-designed, well-placed PSA's (sandwiched between Botox & anti-depressant commercials) would help.  I think it would be great to do a series of hit-you-in-the-(expanding)-gut PSA's to be played at local movie theatres, since you've certainly got a captive audience there.  I see so many lost opportunities to create change, when instead of empowering the audience, we're bombarded with all kinds of messages telling us we're completely inadequate and surgery and meds are the answer.  And if that's too daunting, there's always the Starbucks Trenta Caramel Macchiato to gulp down during your pity party.

This is not about discrimination, or looking down on people for their choices.  This is about looking around, and ahead.  Someone on FB commented that the mother I described in the original post, was "showing her children love in the way she knows how to show it.  I hope that they will grow and learn healthier habits."  I received a few private messages in response to that comment, to the tune of, "there is no way that mom doesn't know better!  And she's hurting her children because of her own hang-ups!"  (Note: one of these comments came from someone who admitted being guilty of this herself until she decided to take responsibility for her and her children's health).  When our children are in our care, for a few precious years we have a captive audience.  It is vital that we get something this crucial (healthy lifestyle choices) ingrained in them before they are truly free to make their own decisions.  I guarantee you that if you ask any 20-something girl with an eating disorder or a serious weight problem, if she would have preferred that her mom model healthy lifestyle choices (nutrition & exercise) or given her the in-bedroom TV set, the girl would choose the former.

We get mad about the fact that the US schools are churning out kids who are illiterate and below average in math.  Just today, the NY Times published an article that only 23% of students graduating from NYC schools in 2009 were ready for college or a career.   (National Security experts must be having a cow).  But if you think about it, it's the same attitude of complacency, of "we're doing our best, they're doing their best," that's gotten us into both our educational and health crises.  Whether the sliding scale is an academic scale (down) or a bathroom scale (up), it's up to us moms to figure out why this whole weight debate strikes a nerve in each of us, what we can change for ourselves and our families, and how we can spread the health to others.  

Changing the trend in the rate of child obesity in America is not difficult as long as parents are willing to accept their responsibility for teaching their children healthy lifestyles. (From Help Cure Childhood Obesity)

We all need to make a few changes in our own lives, take responsibility for the choices our children make (and this means, accept that we are the parents and we are in charge), and acknowledge that we're all in this together so it IS our business what others do, especially since their choices impact all of us.