116 of my life rules

I’m a quote freak. I love reading quotes, and sending those I find meaningful to people I think may also get something out of them. I’ve decided to come up with my own list. The following quotes include a few that I’ve loved, as well as a bunch I came up with myself. I have drawn from life experiences, observations I’ve made, and lessons I’ve learned through my voracious reading. They span all sorts of subjects and mostly involve parenting, business, finding fulfillment, athletics, marriage, money. Some may be politically incorrect, many are probably controversial. You will agree with some, disagree with others. But just remember, don’t take anything personally (see #42 and #39 below). If you read something and say “Hey! I’m offended!” then I just urge you to examine yourself and your life in terms of that particular quote, and try to wonder objectively if there isn’t an ounce of truth in it… and if after that, you decide I don’t know what I’m talking about, that’s totally fine. Also, keep in mind that I am faaaaaaaaar from perfect myself and I have to work on many of these on a daily basis. Anyway, enjoy!

1. Hill repeats will fix a lot of problems in your run stride.  It's hard to run up hill successfully if your balance, positioning and focus are off.  Same goes for life.  When we are in an "uphill climb," such as when we are hit by health, financial, relationship, job, or really any crisis - is when we examine our posture and either make corrections or turn a half-mile hill into an endless steep climb.
2. Mentor a child. There are far too many children out there who lack a meaningful and positive relationship with an adult. It doesn't take much time and it is often the biggest difference between the child who ends up in jail and his friend who ends up in college.
3. Volunteering is one of the best ways to beat the blues and lose weight. Really - it's been proven. Note: I'm not talking about volunteering at your kid's school. I'm talking about helping with a cause that's all about YOU and your non-parent identity. Soup kitchen, local race, local political campaign, women's shelter, kids' hospital, retirement home... Whatever strikes your fancy, where you can hone those skills of yours, feel significant, and put your problems into perspective.
4. Our country's problems are not because of this or past administrations, or because of greedy CEO's, or because God isn't in school. It all boils down to one reason: lack of reverence toward life. Our life, others' lives, nature. I suppose some people would equate that with God, but all too often that argument becomes too filled with religious dogma. Therefore, I call it reverence for life. I suppose it's what's so appealing to me about Ironman. It is exhilarating to be among people who defy the odds and their negative inner critic and outer naysayers, and spend hours, days, weeks, months, years training for an accomplishment that is more than a medal, or a finish line. It's an experience where you are revering life, the wonder of it, and you are sharing it with hundreds or thousands of others who get it. Although I've yet to participate in these other "crazy" sports, I imagine the same holds true for mountaineers and ultraracers. Basically, any activity that requires extreme commitment, sacrifice, endurance, getting out of your head and into the flow. When you make this a part of your life, it's kind of hard to not let this reverence seep into other areas of your life.
5. There is no reason why your children cannot endure a short (under an hour) car ride without a DVD playing, a restaurant meal without a screen & keypad, a soccer practice without a snack (fresh fruit is acceptable). If you have low expectations for your children, that's exactly what they will give you.
6. Take supplements. In powder or liquid form. Your body only absorbs maybe 10-20% of multivitamin pills, so they're a waste of money. Women of childbearing age need extra calcium in their diets or their teeth & bones get soft (trust me - been there, done that). Take "greens" - powdered mixes of vegetables, fruit, flax seed, probiotics, etc. Mix it in a shake and you've got your daily fruit & vegetable requirements. The ones I use are from Life Force International and I (knock on wood) have spent the last 5 years, since using them, feeling better and more energetic than I did when I was 20.
7. The best thing a college student can do is study abroad. Preferably in a foreign language, but England is still acceptable. Being an ex-pat will broaden the student's horizons intellectually, culturally and socially. She may get a little behind in terms of college credits but that is a small price to pay for the unforgettable memories and friendships she will forge. And she will be much more interesting - and interested - for having done this.
8. When you pull out onto a street, or turn into a street, parking lot or driveway, ALWAYS look both ways. You never know when a cyclist, runner, skater or walker is about to cross your path.
9. If you shake your head at the sense of entitlement today's youth has, look in the mirror. Do you drive a Hummer? Eat crap? Cut off cyclists? Hog the left lane? Allow your unruly children to run around a restaurant? Blame the government for your problems? Complain about the way things are, but do nothing constructive to change them? Toss your cigarette butts wherever you see fit? Complain to your kid's teacher that her grade or disciplinary action was unfair? Let your kids get away with a minimal amount of chores? Allow your children to think that a cell phone, computer use, remote control, etc are rights and not privileges? Use plastic bags at the supermarket on a regular basis? Say you don't have time to work out/read a book/help the needy...? We don't have a youth problem, we have an adult problem (to quote my great friend & mentor, Bill Milliken).
10. Another reason to love triathlon: you are very likely to compete against world class athletes, who appear on TV, compete in the Olympics, are on the covers of magazines. If you're a golfer, you're probably not going to ever be in the same tournament as Tiger Woods. But I can swim, bike & run with the top triathletes in the world. And meet them. And get a photo with them. And host them in my home. Not because I excel at triathlon, but because that's just the way the sport is. Same as running, as anyone who's done a world class marathon like Boston or NY will tell you.
11. In everything you do.... SMILEPACE! When I race, I go as fast as I can while maintaining a smile on my face. So much in life is optional, even stress. I'm not a big fan of anything I find boring, painful or unpleasant. But it turns out that a lot of stuff we have to do falls into those categories. So when it comes to life stuff, I focus on the end result and try to find the positive. And find a way to make it fun, or at least less unpleasant. When training & racing, I keep things in perspective. If it's not fun, then I should find something else to do. After all, it's not like dialysis, which is not optional (unless of course you want to die). So I find a way to make it fun, a reason to keep smiling. Sometimes, like during the 6 hours on my bike in my basement dungeon, it's the thought that "I've lost it, this is nuts," which will elicit a cackle out of me. Usually, it's the reminder that "I woke up today in a healthy body, with a fantastic family, we lack for nothing and we live in an incredible country." We all have something for which to be thankful. Find yours - and smile.
12. Before becoming a parent, I'd see - and hear - certain kids that would make me think, "that kid could sure use a spanking!!" Now I'm a parent my views have changed. Instead, I usually think, "those parents could sure use a spanking!!"
13. We are rarely motivated by joy or pleasure to make significant changes. It is human to settle for mediocrity, to rest comfortably in the status quo, as lame and detrimental as that may be. The prospect of looking like a Sports Illustrated swimsuit model or being debt-free or happy will not motivate most of us to make some changes. Usually it takes a brush with catastrophe to get us off our asses. A heart attack, a diagnosis of pre-diabetes, a spouse's affair, a child's death, a repossessed car. Most people who received this link will not read this list, and most people who do read it will make zero changes.
14. Humans were born to run. In terms of evolution, we were designed to outrun our prey. If we are dis-eased it’s because we aren’t running (enough). (For further information, pick up Born to Run: A Hidden Tribe, Superathletes, and the Greatest Race the World Has Never Seen by Christopher McDougall).

2. You are fat/unhappy/broke [fill in the blank] because you want to be. If you say you want to be thin/happy/rich [fill in the blank] you would be disciplined and make different choices.

3. Positive thinking and self-affirmations, without plans, goals and action amount to nothing but delusion.

4. Triathlon involves five disciplines, not three. Swim, bike, run, eat and think. You can swim, bike and run till the cows come home but if you don’t learn the best way to fuel your body, and you don’t prepare yourself mentally, you will never achieve your full potential. Preparing yourself mentally includes having a plan for when things do not go according to plan, training smart by including rest and recovery, visualizing the goal while you train, and picking a meaningful reason for doing this so that when your motivation lags, you have something to haul you back on the bike (at 5:00am).

5. There is a difference between worry and preparation. Preparing means thinking ahead and having a Plan B and C. Worrying is the equivalent of praying for the worst. Being prepared takes away worry.

6. Your income will be the average of the earnings of your five closest friends (Jim Rohn).

7. Clean out the rolodex. Get rid of emotional vampires. Get over your guilt – those complaining, negative, whiny, critical drama queens will find another martyr. You deserve better.

8. Helicopter parenting is not only annoying, it’s terrible for your child’s development. Your child needs to make mistakes, get hurt, experience adversity. Do your kid – and society – a favor and let the kid build character and coping skills.

9. Eschew herd mentality and teach your kids to do likewise. Just because “everyone has/does” it (gives kids cell phones, wears Abercrombie & Fitch, plays soccer, drives a fancy car, vacations in Disney, has sex (teens), eats crap, watches crap…) doesn’t mean it’s a good idea. In fact it probably isn’t.

10. Treat people as if they are already behaving the way you want them to behave. This works on your toddler, husband and everyone in between.

11. It is never too late to do what will make you happy. Learn a new hobby, go back to school, fix/leave a relationship, move, finish an Ironman… Chronological age is irrelevant.

12. People who don’t have goals are likely to get caught up in unhealthy behavior and very likely to be depressed. We need goals in the following areas: health, relationships, career, finances, hobbies, parenting. And these must be written down and checked on daily!

13. Living a balanced life is a myth. Successful people live passionate lives and passion is not balanced. Each day the balance tips this way and that. The key is to feel that overall, you are spending time and resources on your priorities.

14. Read. Everyday. Especially on personal development. Others have already made the mistakes, found the solutions, and written about them. Read, take notes, incorporate the lessons into your own life. Here is a list of some of my favorites:

• Drive by Daniel H. Pink
• The Power of Now by Eckhart Tolle
• Have a Little Faith by Mitch Albom
• The Power of Intention by Wayne Dyer
• Your Kids are Your Own Fault by Larry Winget
• Total Money Makeover by Dave Ramsey
• From Me to We by Craig & Marc Kielburger
• A Purpose-Driven Life by Rick Warren
• Think & Grow Rich by Napoleon Hill
• The Tipping Point by Malcolm Gladwell
• The Art of Power by Thich Nhat Hahn
• The Go-Giver by Bob Burg & John David Mann
• The Four Agreements by Don Miguel Ruiz
• The Answer by John Assaraf & Murray Smith
• Born to Run by Christopher McDougall
• New Earth by Eckhart Tolle
• Reviving Ophelia by Mary Pipher (for parents of girls)
• Real Education by Charles Murray
• Change Your Brain Change Your Life by Daniel Amen
• The Alchemist by Paulo Coelho
• The Middle Place by Kelly Corrigan (chick lit)
• Eat, Pray, Love by Elizabeth Gilbert
• My First 100 Marathons by Jeffrey Horowitz
• The Biology of Belief by Bruce Lipton
• A Framework for Understanding Poverty by Ruby K. Payne
• The E Myth Revisited by Michael E. Gerber
• Excuses Begone! By Wayne Dyer
• Jesus Was a Liberal by Scotty McLennan
• Deepak Choprah's books
• Success Magazine
• The Mommy Manifesto by Kim Lavine
• Devotion by Dani Shapiro
• The Last Dropout by Bill Milliken
• Clearing the Mommy Fog by Susanne Navas :)

15. Avoid energy gels, drinks or bars unless exercising over 2.5 hours (if you are currently doing so, don’t go cold turkey – wean yourself). Definitely don’t give kids energy drinks unless they are endurance athletes or unable to ingest anything else due to illness; I’m convinced our childhood obesity epidemic is at least partially to blame on this stuff.

16. Staying in a miserable marriage “for the kids’ sake” is stupid. Work on yourself and work on your marriage, with sincere effort – or split up. An unhappy parent is more damaging than a part-time parent.

17. Teach your kids to save, invest, contribute to charity and spend wisely. Do not assume your kids will learn how to manage money. And don’t assume they don’t need to know about your financial problems. It’s a great teaching moment.

18. Forgiveness is not a sign of weakness. It’s the strongest, most liberating thing you can do.

19. Never, if possible, take your ex to court. Is the money and revenge worth the stress and the negativity and the lessons it teaches your kids? Becoming happy, peaceful and successful is much better revenge.

20. Context is the basis of compassion. Instead of judging someone, put yourself in their context. It doesn’t excuse abuse, infidelity, crime, stupidity – but the world needs more compassion. Refusing to judge someone doesn't mean you condone their behavior.

21. Order of importance: 1) self 2) marriage 3) children. Too often people reverse this order, leading to depression, divorce, and/or messed-up kids.

22. Stay in the present. With 2 exceptions: financial decisions and parenting. Will your short-term fix bite you in the ass later?

23. Know that whatever you are going through, you can be sure that at least one person you know is going/has gone through the same.

24. Eat at least four servings (handfuls) of broccoli per week and you’ll avoid most cancers (provided you don’t smoke).

25. Avoid buying your kids video games. Every socially inept boy over the age of 2 I’ve ever met has daily screen time. I don’t need a study to point out the correlation.

26. NEVER allow your child to interrupt adults unless it’s a medical or other emergency.

27. Teens and the elderly have a lot in common. They don’t perceive themselves as being considered important contributors to society (and society doesn't do much to change this perception), and they are increasingly addicted to drugs (and dying from it). Reach out to them and engage them.

28. Staying in your comfort zone is bad for your health. Only through discomfort do we evolve. Take a risk every day. Surprise yourself.

29. Walt Disney had it half right. If we dream it we can do it – but only with great sacrifice and a ton of hard work (10,000 hours according to Malcolm Gladwell).

30. Leave places cleaner than you found them. Pick up trash along your run route.

31. If all you talk about with your friends/spouse is what your kids are doing, or gossip, or what happened on The Bachelorette last night, you’re boring and need to broaden your interests. On the flip side, if you work outside the home and all you talk about is work - get a hobby.

32. You do not need to be in a place of worship to experience deep spirituality. Also, some of the most godlike people I’ve met never go to church, while some of the meanest people I’ve met are “religious.”

33. NEVER talk about dieting or cosmetic surgery in front of girls. 80% of ten-year-old girls think they’re fat. While some of this is because of what they hear from their peers, more of it is because you’re watching The Today Show and complaining about your thighs while the girls are in the house.

34. Diets don’t work. Lifestyle changes do.

35. If you’re looking for a significant other, think about what your ideal mate would like to do for leisure. Then go there. Hint: if you’re looking for an enlightened go-getter, hit the local Wayne Dyer seminar instead of the sports bar happy bar.

36. PLEASE don’t send Christmas newsletters. All that paper is bad for the environment. Nobody cares what your kid, dog, or Bob the Builder husband did this year. (Note: if you can come up with a summary of the embarrassing things your kids said about you at school, that would probably be well-received).

37. It’s “triathlon” not “triathalon” and “definitely” not “definately”.

38. If you do nothing else, teach your kids (or make sure someone teaches them) great manners, to read, swim, handle money, do what they love, be compassionate, eat healthy, love exercise, and converse with anyone.

39. Dig that chip out of your shoulder. We have become so overly sensitive that people who are only trying to help (politicians, school administrators, anyone with a brain and an activist’s heart) spend more time and energy tempering their message and apologizing or explaining why they won’t apologize, than working on their original mission.

40. Your kids have their own crib/bed for a reason. No matter what Dr. Sears and other Helicopter Parents tell you, just remember this: your short-term decision can (will) impact the long-term situation. Your child nees to learn to fall asleep on his own and you need a sacred, kid-free zone. Of course, if you enjoy having a kid or two wedged between you and your spouse every night, this should tell you something about your marriage…

41. If you’re divorced, this does not give you license to spoil your kids by showering them with gifts, keeping them up past their bedtime, allowing them to rule the coop and trod all over reasonable boundaries. Do your kids – and society – a favor and take your burden of guilt to the confessional booth.

42. Don’t take things personally. What I (or anyone) say and do reflects my experiences up to now. If I say “homeschooling may be great academically but provides children with too homogenous a social environment” this is not a personal attack on your worth as a parent. It just means I don’t believe it’s a good idea from what I’ve seen.

43. Friends are crucial to our wellbeing, and unlike family, can be selected. So nurture your friendships.

44. Do not count on a significant other as a source of happiness. You must first be happy with yourself. A significant other is merely icing on the cake.

45. Do not watch the news. Starting the day with the morning news and/or ending it with the evening news will do nothing for your intellect and will only make you grumpy.

46. You are more negative than you think. Don’t believe me? Write down every thought for one day. I guarantee you about half will be neutral (e.g. today is Tuesday), about 40% will be negative (e.g. I’m going to be late, I can’t believe how crowded the pool is, it’s raining again??!, how will I ever get through this to do list…) and maybe 10% will be positive (e.g. oh good, it's late enough to crack a beer).

47. If you are exercising and not losing weight (if this is your goal), then you are overestimating your calorie burn and underestimating your caloric intake.

48. If you want to get in shape and don’t know what exercise to take up, look around. If you like runners’ bodies, run. If you admire dancers’ bodies, dance. If you envy aquasizers’ bodies… you get the drift.

49. Do not medicate your ADHD child. First try this: unplug him. Remove all TV, video, Nintendo, wii, cell phone, computer. Throw out all candy, refined, highly processed foods. Enforce early bedtime and outside play. Do this for three months. If there is zero improvement, then, and only then, consider drugs.

50. Use a netipot. It is more effective than cold or allergy medication, has no side effects, and it’s cheap. Use it preventively during cold, flu & allergy seasons, and use it once you start to feel congested.

51. Before allowing your child to play football, read Dr. Amen’s book “Change Your Brain, Change Your Life.”

52. Cheerleading is athletic, and a staple of American culture. That does not mean it’s good for your daughter’s dignity, body image and self-esteem.

53. Just because a food is labeled “whole grain” “natural” “low fat” “low sugar” “organic” “healthy” – does not mean it’s good for you or low calorie.

54. Raising more than one child is the hardest thing you’ll ever do. Everyone tells you how wonderful kids are. But nobody tells you how frustrating and annoying it is. People who say it’s easy are either shitty parents, on the Mommy Pill, have a nanny or have older kids and poor long-term memory.

55. Triathlon is the perfect family sport. The entire family can train and compete together. Races will make you travel to places you wouldn’t have seen otherwise. Grandparents can compete alongside grandkids.

56. Some people say you should live together before marriage. I’d add you should travel together. When you’re outside your comfort zone and need to cope with new challenges, is when you really see a person’s character.

57. You can’t change a lot of situations life throws your way. But you can change how you look at them. Funny thing is when you change your attitude toward it, the situation usually changes.

58. You can’t change a person. No matter what your pastor tells you – preaching about Jesus, homeschooling, breastfeeding, healthy eating, etc. will be counter-productive. It’s best to exude joy and peace. People will wonder what your secret is, and come to you. No one likes militant preaching.

59. The more keys on your key ring, the more headaches (lesson attributed to my dad, the awesome John Hobson).

60. The 40-44 female age group is the most competitive for women in triathlon. I believe this is because when women turn 40, they finally decide to make their health and happiness a priority. And their kids are in school full-time.

61. I’d rather ask for forgiveness than permission.

62. It is now scientifically proven, through quantum physics, that we are not dictated by our biology. Our PERCEPTION overrules our DNA. And this applies to parenting. If we treat our kids differently because they are sick, handicapped or otherwise “special” – we are adding to their negative self-perception. (See The Biology of Belief by Bruce Lipton and Think & Grow Rich by Napoleon Hill).

63. If you smoke one pack of cigarettes a day, at $11/day (the price in NY starting in September 2010), you will spend $4,015/year on your habit.

64. Support your local business people every chance you get.

65. Pretend you’re on a reality show. Would you want national TV audiences to see you behaving that way? Think about this when you’re about to indulge in a pint, a rant or someone else's pants.

66. Vision boards work. Post self-affirmations and pictures of what you want to accomplish and/or accumulate onto a cork board and place it in a prominent place. Every time you get the chance to act toward these goals, do it. You’ll see how stuff starts happening…it's not voodoo, it's focus.

67. Before posting something on Facebook, Twitter, My Space, etc., ask yourself: if my significant other, employer, prospective employer, father, student, teacher, constituent, priest, daughter, etc. sees this, will I regret it?

68. The class of 2020 will face a very different job market from the one we see today, in terms of career options and requirements. Spanish will be the dominant “foreign” language, critical and analytical thinking will be required, and one of the hottest careers will be Tattoo & Piercing Removal (notably of those disgusting huge holes in ear lobes).

69. Every mom needs a periodic girls weekend.

70. When a couple has a baby, the mom’s life is forever altered. In general, dad’s body is still his, dad’s identity is still tied to his job, his social circle is pretty intact. Mom’s identity, work and social circle become unrecognizable unless she makes a concerted effort otherwise. A good man puts Monday Night Football and his golf game on hold. A great man kicks his wife out of the house once a week and does the laundry.

71. Do you really expect your kid to ignore peer pressure when you get a boob job, wear crocs, allow co-ed sleepovers for your high schooler, scramble to get the latest fad? Peer pressure isn’t as much overt insistence, it’s usually the subtle suggestion that “doing this” or “having this” makes you cool. Kids base their values on their parents’ values – and actions speak far louder than words.

72. NEVER tell a girl she looks or is fat.

73. There is no such thing as a bad kid or dog. Just a bad parent or master.

74. If you want a dog, adopt a rescue dog. And only get a dog if tossing fistfuls of $50 bills down the toilet doesn’t give you a heart attack.

75. Wear a helmet, a seat belt, and sunscreen.

76. Don’t let your daughter date a biker who doesn’t wear a helmet. Chances are the moron doesn’t protect his other head either.

77. If you love a book, email the author. She’ll be flattered and you may start a new, meaningful relationship (this is how I came to be mentored by one of the kindest, smartest, most wonderful men I’ve ever met).

78. Don’t waste your breath trying to convince someone about issues such as abortion rights, gay marriage, immigration rights, etc. Basically anything political or religious. You will not change their minds and you will end up annoyed. The only way people change their minds short of a lobotomy is through a major life experience.

79. “stressed” is “dessert” spelled backwards

80. 95% of illness and disease can be attributed to stress. Get rid of it.

81. You can find a study to back you up no matter what your position is.

82. Never put a TV or computer with internet access in your child’s room.

83. We all need to work harder on seeing the Big Picture. We are so focused on our immediate surroundings and instant gratification, that as parents, politicians, leaders, medical professionals, etc, we often end up solving one problem and causing three new ones.

84. Humans are social creatures. Even those of us who consider ourselves to be loners, crave the sense of belonging and unity that comes with identifying with a group. This is why kids join gangs, fraternities, teams. Why adults are more successful at kicking bad habits through AA and weight loss groups, and sticking to good habits with a triathlon or running group.

85. It is much more effective to pull people toward a positive endeavor or belief, than to fight a negative one. It’s why the war on drugs is ineffective. “Just say no” to drugs rings hollow if you don’t provide a fun, healthy alternative and draw people to it. Focusing on the negative puts energy into it.

86. If you are a jealous, possessive significant other, it’s just a matter of time before you lose your partner. Back off, work on making yourself someone your partner finds irresistible and your worst fears are far less likely to come true.

87. Never pass up the chance to take your kids on a trip, even if it means missing school. The world provides more valuable lessons than anything on a blackboard (or Smart Board).

88. Every high schooler should consult with a life and career coach, saving a fortune otherwise wasted on focusing on the wrong career or major.

89. If your daughter is seeing someone, and starts to spend much more time in her room, or dresses differently, starts doing her hair and makeup differently, her appetite changes, her friends change or disappear – chances are very good that she is being abused. Depending on the study you read, between 20-50% of teen girls are abused. Talk to her. Even if she’s not being abused, she’s not happy, and she’s dying (perhaps literally) to talk to someone!

90. Music has the power to calm a screaming baby or a ranting mom, unite foreigners who share no other common language, motivate a runner, make people happier, sadder, richer, smarter, dumber. Music is food for the soul. Make sure you enjoy a healthy tune diet.

91. If you’re going to put your baby on her back to sleep, be aware that she’s at great risk of developing a flat head. Figure out how to avoid this!

92. Give your baby at least ten minutes of tummy time per day so she develops upper body strength.

93. If your newborn is colicky, take him to the chiropractor. Babies’ spines can suffer trauma in utero and during birth, and sometimes a few adjustments will do the trick. They’re never too young for chiropractic treatment (of course, like with all practitioners, find a good one).

94. Women in general are the world’s most under-utilized, under-appreciated natural resource. If we spent less energy feeding our petty insecurities and more energy applying our limitless intelligence and resourcefulness toward helping less fortunate mothers and children, we could quickly solve many of the world’s greatest problems.

95. Nobody is too young, poor, old, busy, dumb, sick or untalented to change the world.

96. The rich spend 10% on self-improvement, and that is one way they got rich. Books, further education, coaches, seminars, etc. The richer they get, the harder it is to do this. Curiosity may have killed the cat, but suppressing your own curiosity will surely kill your chances of reaching your true potential.

97. Changing your mind is not just a woman’s prerogative, neither is it a sign of fickleness and indecisiveness. When we become more educated and experienced, changing our position is a natural consequence.

98. DO sweat the small stuff. But that doesn’t mean, stress over petty stuff you won’t remember two weeks, months or years from now. It means, every little thing adds up. Every habit – good and bad – started with one small positive step – or excuse.

99. I’m always suspicious of a perpetually immaculate household. It’s usually the sign of an unhealthy woman and/or marriage, unless there’s a regular housekeeper. (And if you drop into my home unexpectedly, I will remind you of this when your eyes wander to my pile of laundry).

100. Employees and students require three things in order to thrive: 1) autonomy – the feeling they have decision-making power and some element of control; 2) mastery – the sense that they are improving, mastering a challenge; 3) purpose – what they are doing or learning is meaningful and relevant. (See Drive by Daniel H. Pink). If your child is unmotivated at school, or you are unhappy at work - chances are at least one of these is missing.

101. When your kid tells you he wants to be a painter, dancer or writer when he grows up, never tell him to pursue something more “sensible” or lucrative. If he fans his inner spark by following his passion, ignores naysayers and works his ass off, he’ll succeed. And waste less of your money and his money on med school, rehab and divorce lawyers.

102. Most women do not (if they are to be honest with themselves) find true fulfillment in the daily tedium of caring full-time for babies and household, years on end. Much post-partum depression would be cured with part-time work (paid or volunteer), help with household chores, and a daily workout as soon as the post-partum body says it’s ok. Waiting six weeks to go for a walk is nonsense if you feel up to it; and a doctor who tells you to do so is probably getting kick-backs from the antidepressant drug manufacturer.

103. Traditional doctors are myopic and enslaved to insurance and drug companies. They are trained to find problems, not to prevent them in the first place. Avoid them by being proactive about your family’s health, and practicing prevention. (Note: obviously there are some great doctors out there, this is a general statement).

In sum…

Live with intention.

Walk to the edge.

Listen hard.

Practice wellness.

Play with abandon.

Laugh.

Choose with no regret.

Continue to learn.

Appreciate your friends.

Do what you love.

Love as if this is all there is.

- Mary Anne Radmacher