Before the schoolbus arrived carrying the teen partygoers from the temple, I chatted with the mansion's manager. We eventually began talking (at my urging, of course) about the state of kids in her fancy town. Turns out that there (shocker!) is a big problem there with drug & alcohol abuse. Too many kids with too much money and too much freedom.
During the 8 or so hours I spent at this function, between meeting the family at their home, then doing some posed shots at the temple, and then shooting the celebration at the reception, I never thought "what a bunch of spoiled brats." Everyone was extremely courteous and often friendly. There was a slideshow towards the end, of the honorary son and his family. As I watched the photos flashing up on the screen, of him and his family on vacation in Martha's Vineyard, in Mexico, in Alaska, at Disney; a whole collection of photos of him and his black nanny who was genuinely treated like a family member; of him and his friends, several of whom had been in his life since birth - it occurred to me that our culture really is devoid of any meaningful rituals signifying the passage from childhood to no-longer-a-child. Sure, Jews have Bar and Bat Mitzvahs. Several Christian religions have confirmations. Some families choose to make a big party around all this but some don't, usually because of the expense.
This week is our school's last week of school for the year, and I just found out that 5th graders at our public school do not have a graduation. I find that rather sad and very surprising. Middle school is a time when kids are changing in all sorts of ways, growing hair where previously there was none, smelling in a way that now requires masking, replacing playground swings with mood swings. It's a big deal. And yet there's no rite of passage in our town's school (at least not the one where my kids attend).
Last year, during my Summer Reset program for middle school and high school girls, I asked the girls if their family had a ritual or tradition for when they started menstruation for the first time? Out of about 30 girls, one girl replied that yes, her mom took her shopping and out to lunch, to celebrate.
I wonder how many girls have Sweet 16 parties anymore? I would think it would be a tad ridiculous, given that most girls turning 16 today have already been kissed (and more), tried alcohol, popped a pill and I'm not talking aspirin, graduated from reading Seventeen magazine by 8th grade. Other cultures have interesting traditions. Sure, some of them practice clitorectomy (deplorable) but others have more positive ways of welcoming girls into womanhood and celebrating their changing bodies instead of leaving them in shameful bewilderment. As illustrated in The Red Tent, for example, in biblical times women would spend their menstruating days in a tent with other women, where they would honor each other, gossip, just basically hang out. If I could spend one week a month among my female friends and leave all duties in the care of others, that would be pretty fantastic. Really.
The whole point of my monologue here is that yesterday, regardless of what anyone's religious leanings may be, was a time when a load of people got together to show their respect and love for a special boy and his family. No matter what his grades are, or how good he is (or isn't) on the soccer field, or if he stutters or wears braces or has zits, or if his voice occasionally cracks or if he's shorter than his peers - he was publicly acknowledged as a person whom many love and respect, and who has worked hard toward a goal. And that is pretty damn cool. And it's a shame that more kids don't get this opportunity, because their parents don't adhere to a religion or belong to a culture that has a similar ritual. After all, it doesn't have to be an outrageously expensive circus. All it takes is some creativity and love.
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