Why Your Past Fitness Efforts Have Failed

Why Your Past Fitness Efforts Have Failed

(and how to avoid repeating the pattern)

A few years ago, you decided to drop the baby weight. You embarked on a diet, signed up for a half marathon, and you became the epitome of a focused athlete. You crossed that finish line, experienced euphoria like never before – and then a few days later came crashing back to reality, with post-race depression. After those months of deprivation, the French fries and the truffles seemed not only well-deserved but were welcome comfort. Now, 20+ pounds heavier, you feel like a failure and wonder if you are even capable of sustaining the fitness gained through a pre-race or a boot camp program. You feel overwhelmed, hopeless, and out of control. Here’s the good news: you can definitely accomplish your goals and maintain your fitness level. You just need to be aware of your past pitfalls and have a plan for avoiding them.

Pitfall #1: Too much brawn, too little brain

No, I’m not talking about my college boyfriends. I’m talking about the way that whether spurred by January 1st, or a health scare, or a looming trip to the beach – we tend to make these drastic lifestyle changes without thinking about how they will affect our body, mind, family, schedule. We live in a society where “microwave thinking” is the norm. We don’t want to wait for something to gradually reach its natural state of readiness, instead we want instant action, instant results. The problem with this is that in terms of a fitness plan, this is not only unsustainable, but it can be unhealthy. When we go from occasionally taking a stroll with the dog, to taking kick-boxing, bootcamp, and hot yoga classes with two strength-training sessions and three treadmill runs in between – and do this for a few weeks – we are not only taxing our muscles, but we are making sacrifices in our relationships. We are increasing our stress levels as suddenly our family, the laundry piles and the boss feel neglected.

Solution: Think, then ease in slowly. You didn’t get to where you are overnight, and getting out of it will take a comprehensive, sustained effort. If you are going to stick to your workouts, you need to come up with a plan that eases your muscles and joints into new movements. Yes, it’s good to feel a bit sore the day after a workout. But you shouldn’t feel extreme discomfort, and certainly not ongoing pain. If the lean, mean, fighting machine instructor is screaming at you to go harder – ignore her. Listen to your body and trust it. In the same vein, if you are a beginning runner, for goodness’ sake run slowly. Run so slowly that you could maintain that pace all day. Do this for a few weeks and then, only then, start picking it up during a few interval workouts. The other things is, you don’t want to follow a hard workout with another hard workout. One of the greatest values of having a coach is that yes, she will push you to reach new limits, but she will also remind you of the importance of rest. All too often, we become so infatuated with our new focused lifestyle and dropping jeans size that we forget to be smart about it. You need to give your body regular rest, so your muscles can repair themselves, your laundry can be done and your spouse and kids can get some much-needed attention.

Pitfall #2: No Plan B

You crossed that finish line, earning the admiration of your family and friends, you are so proud of all you accomplished. And then a few days later the realization sets in that you no longer have that daily structure that came with planning your activities around your dates with Nike, and now that you’re no longer eating to train, your eating is quickly becoming a train wreck. Or, perhaps what happened is that you fell into Pitfall #1 (see above) and one day popped out of bed – and your knee popped at the same time. Forget your cardio workout, as you hobble around, devastated that your heroic fitness plans have come to a screeching halt. So now you go the other extreme and watch helplessly as your abs, which were finally starting to emerge from Flabbyland once again disappear.

Solution: think of goals as a moving goalpost. While training for a race certainly qualifies as a SMART (specific, measurable, achievable, relevant, time-constrained) goal, it’s not the end of the road. It needs to be one of a series of goals. In fact, it’s best to think of your goal as more of a life goal, e.g. “I will live to be really old, and when I die my great-grandchildren will boast to their friends about their great-grandma who rocked the spinning class at age 97.” The races, beach vacations, high school reunions, and so on should be more like targets. And once you reach one target, you head for the next. When life happens and you become injured, or a child is sick, or your job goes through an unexpectedly overwhelming period – and you’re forced to reduce gym time, temporarily – it’s important to reexamine the targets and readjust. In my coaching, I preach about the importance of having goals, and that most people can avoid depression, dis-ease, and so on, with a good set of goals. It is especially important to have clearly articulated goals, and to be working on them daily, even when life throws us a curve ball. If we become injured, we come up with a less ambitious goal and keep going. It may no longer be, run a half marathon in 1:35, but we are no longer the person who set that goal. We have a new set of circumstances and we go from there. The point is to keep moving forward.

Pitfall #3: Ignoring (or not knowing) the importance of the compound effect

Financially, the compound effect can be thought of this way: if you spend $4 on a fancy coffee drink every day for 20 years, you’ll have spent $51,833.79. YIKES. If you think of it in terms of health, if you consume an extra 125 calories (2 chicken nuggets off your kid’s plate) per day, in 31 months you will have gained 33.5 pounds. Of course, this also means that if during that time, you reduced your consumption by 125 calories per day, you will have lost about 33 pounds. Therefore, what ends up happening is that we underestimate our ratio of consumption to expenditure. Simply put, we are eating more than we’re burning, and we don’t realize it because we ignore the little things. But those chicken nuggets swiped off our kid’s plate sure add up!

Solution: Again, in our society of extremes, we tend to embrace the latest celebrity diet or newfangled workout. But it’s the little things that add up. If we are going to make healthful lifestyle changes, it is much easier and more sustainable to whittle away at our bad habits, than to go at them with a pickax. When you eat out, ask the server to hold the bread basket. Replace the weekly gallon of milk at your house with skim milk. Buy baked potato chips instead of regular chips. Eat dinner on a salad plate instead of a regular plate – and have only one serving. Drink herbal tea instead of hot chocolate after sledding with the kids. If you normally have three slices of pizza, have two – from now on. If you normally have two glasses of wine with dinner, limit yourself to one – allowing yourself two on Saturdays. The same goes with exercise. Somebody in one of my classes recently pointed out that a guest trainer on the Dr. Phil show said, “it’s not so much what you do during the one hour you spend at the gym, what matters is what you do the other 23 hours of the day.” Every little step counts. Actually get out of the minivan and walk around it, to close the door. While waiting for the bus, do some walking lunges. Park further away from the shop entrance. When folding laundry, squat down to pick up each clothing article. Take your kids ice skating instead of bowling or to the mall.

Pitfall #4: Unclear Motivation

So, you’re a few weeks into the New You and after the initial infatuation and seemingly effortless weight loss, you hit a plateau. You’re bored. Or your body, now used to less input (food) and more output (calories burned), in its brilliance has become more efficient. Which sucks for you, as you struggle to shed those last five – or fifty – pounds. You think, why the heck am I doing this? And in that defining moment, when facing the choice between another workout, or a cocktail with the hubby, the reason that made you stock up on Under Armour garb and throw out all the Halloween candy is now a distant memory. And the cocktails win out. For the next few years.

Solution: Before you buy that gym membership, or spend a fortune at Athleta.com, think about WHY you are doing this. And write it down. Cut out magazine pictures or print pictures you find online, of what inspires you. We are all motivated by different things. The popular thinking is that it is the intrinsic (internal) motivation that keeps us going, but the truth is that a lot of people are actually more motivated by extrinsic factors. Most of us are motivated by both. So those of us who are more intrinsically motivated, may do this because we want to live a long, healthy life; we want to see our grandchildren get married; we want to feel the fulfillment of achieving hard-earned goals; we want to be a positive role model for the children in our lives. If we are extrinsically motivated, we want to win that age group medal; be admired for fitting into our high school jeans; be the envy of our friends and better yet, our enemies; be praised by our loved ones.

When we achieve our goals and make the “right” choice during those defining moments, it’s not because we are more motivated than others. Nor is it because we are stronger of character. It is because we are clear about our goals and most of all, of the reasons we were pursuing them. And we remind ourselves constantly of why we are doing something, or saying no to something. There is no such thing as an unmotivated person. Everyone is motivated. Some people are motivated to work their butt off to run a 7 minute mile, while someone else may be motivated to work toward a spotless house, a six-figure income, a graduate degree, catching the biggest fish or improving their marriage. My husband has no problem getting up at 5:00am for a golf tee-time, but it would take some heavy machinery to pry him out of bed at that time to get him on the treadmill. It’s not that he’s lazy, it’s that he’s more motivated to play golf than to hit the dreadmill. When we are in that defining moment, is when we need to remember the WHY.

Pitfall #5: It’s not fun

I look at kids’ sports today and for the most part think, boy are we grown-ups screwing up a great thing! From a very young age, kids’ sports are structured, organized, analyzed, regulated, legislated, and so on. Stick some grown ups and a budget into anything and there goes all the fun. Even grade school PE has become a place where instead of kids running around, honing their fine and large motor skills and figuring out how to navigate egos, half the time they’re engaging in “conceptual learning” and “autonomy supported instruction” and taking tests on subjects such as body composition, skeletal fitness, muscular development… Chances are, you’re guilty of doing the same thing in your own life. Your workouts have become yet another chore on your endless lift, instead of something you look forward to.

Solution: Be a kid again! When I train and compete in triathlons, I don’t think of it as a serious endeavor. Sure, I take my training seriously in that I schedule it into every week, making my workouts as much a priority as a doctor’s appointment would take. But as much as possible, I try to keep it all in perspective. I think back to when I was a kid and my sister, cousins and I would bike across country roads (in Sweden), swim in the freezing lakes, bike home, and run around playing hide-and-seek until our moms would call us inside. Talk about a great triathlon training program! And so fun! I still try to tune into that inner playful, carefree child. Even yoga, for the majority of us who neither believe in elephant gods, nor care to stand on our heads in a populated room, nor fathom bending into a lopsided pose with an animal name without risking a fig of giggles - can be an intimidating concept. Basically, as soon as there’s a section of Target dedicated to an activity, it becomes less fun and more work, as far as I’m concerned.

Don’t get me wrong – I’m a huge fan of hard work and I think it’s something that needs to be practiced a lot more than it is. But even when I’m doing a 6 hour bike ride or a 162 lap swim or a 22 mile run, I make sure that it’s fun, that I’m smilepacing™. And the easiest way to do that is to do it with friends (support group), to laugh at the absurdity of what I’m doing, and to feel deep gratitude for having the strength and the will to do this, since after all, it is optional.

Wow, controversial topic!

Yesterday's blog entry caused quite a storm on my Facebook page.  I hit a few nerves, by equating poor nutritional decisions on behalf of parents with child abuse and by suggesting a link between ADHD and nutritional choices.  There was a lot of emotion at the suggestion of a link between a diagnosed condition and nutritional choices, which is seen as perpetuating misperceptions and judgment about a real disease and the choices parents must make when their child has it.  A few opinions about the perception of my lumping a mother who is "doing the best she can" into the same category as a criminal who whips his child and locks him in the basement.  Anger about the fact that we are indeed becoming an unhealthy, unsightly, unquestioning society of people who think it's okay to encourage obese children to consume thousands of empty calories every day.

I admit I like to rock the boat.  When I told my friend Meg later what was going on on Facebook (she doesn't have a FB account), her immediate reaction was, "you do love to piss people off, don't you!"  I answered, "No - I much rather they agree with me or at the very least start to question what they take for granted."  Of course, I don't think a mother, who is clearly unhappy with herself (remember, I'm not talking about someone who thinks she needs to lose a few pounds, I'm talking obesity here), and who for whatever reason either doesn't know that her child is also obese and should not be diving into the Super Size anything, or simply has relinquished all control - of course I don't think she should be locked up with child beaters and molesters.  This is not about passing judgment or legislation.  Nor is it about me pretending to know what God would think, though plenty of verses do give me an inkling, such as:

Or do you not know that your body is a Temple of the Holy Spirit within you, whom you have from God?  You are not your own, for you were bought with a price.  So Glorify God in your body. (Corinthians 6:19-20)

The good thing about throwing in an emotional phrase like "child abuse" is it gets people's attention.  These days we are so insensitive to the information we get on a continuous basis from all the media, that it takes certain words or images to wake us up out of our collective slumber.  The bad thing about mentioning child abuse and ADHD is it gets people going off on tangents and perhaps missing the main point.  As I stated, nobody knows definitively what causes ADHD.  I completely agree with the moms who posted comments regarding the misperceptions about ADHD sufferers and their parents.  As a teacher, I had several ADHD children who were given a medical diagnosis and there is clearly a chemical imbalance.  Their condition is not the result of a steady diet of Lucky Charms, 3-7 hours of daily electronics, along with few parent-enforced boundaries or bedtimes (that's a whole other can of worms for another snowy day).  A child with ADHD and his family deserve compassion.  In fact, everyone deserves compassion, because we never know what is going on within people and families.  I received several personal messages yesterday in response to the blog and the ensuing firestorm, that made my heart break and also told me I'd done the right thing by stirring the pot here.

However way you want to look at it, the facts speak for themselves:

• one-third of American children are overweight
• according to the Mayo Clinic, childhood obesity can lead to: Type 2 diabetes; metabolic syndrome; high cholesterol & high blood pressure; asthma and other breathing problems; sleep disorders; early puberty or menstruation; low self esteem; bullying; behavioral & learning problems; depression
• 3 out of 4 young adults ages 17-24 are too fat to fight for our country, according to NPR

Now, ask yourself, is a parent who enables a child to head down this path, not guilty of some sort of neglect?  Doctors must take the Hippocratic Oath, which includes the following:

...I will prevent disease whenever I can, for prevention is preferable to cure.  I will remember that I remain a member of society, with special obligations to all my fellow human beings... 

Although when we leave the maternity ward we're not asked to sign any similar agreement, isn't it implicit that this is something we agree to undertake as part of our role as parents?

So, the question is, what are we going to do about this?  Lisa, on FB, suggested mandatory nutritional education.  But I'm pretty sure that's already happening in the schools.  My 4th grader told me how bummed she is they don't get to work out in PE these days.  Horrified, I asked why?  She told me they were learning about the Food Pyramid.  Please tell me someone else sees the absurdity of this?  They are not allowed to run around outside during recess because of the snow (another absurd concept-isn't that the whole point of snow?) and they are not playing games or sports in PE because instead they are being taught about the Food Pyramid.

I am a huge fan of changing society by changing the way moms see themselves and the world around them.  Why do you think Oprah is such an architect of change?  She can make an unknown author a bestseller in 5 minutes, bring much-needed attention to the plight of disenfranchised populations, launch careers for people such as Dr. Phil.  Look who her viewers are. Her target audience is women between the ages of 25-49.  Women in that age group have the most influence of any group in society.  Doubt your influence?  Think of the last time you had a crappy day.  How did the day go for the rest of your family?  I say, Happy Mommy, Happy Baby/Kid/Husband.  We set the mood for our family, like it or not, which is why I'm so gung-ho on us taking care of our health and happiness.  You know, like when you get on the airplane and the flight attendant tells you that should the cabin lose pressure and the mask comes down, put your own on before tending to your child.  Same concept.

Our children are taking their cues from us.  And not just the verbal ones - in fact, they are noting our actions more than our words.  When I go to the local amusement park and see the clusters of obese families, I don't think, "gosh, poor things, they were dealt a crappy set of genes!"  Instead, I think, "gosh, poor things, those children are not being taught how to live a healthy lifestyle!"  As moms we readily accept the responsibility to ensure that our children are educated, safe, receive a spiritual foundation of some sort, are clothed, fed, healthy.  (Note: I do acknowledge that in many cases, dads are the primary caregivers, I say "mom" for the sake of simplicity and because it's more commonly the mom).  Yes, healthy.  The facts I list above tell me something's gone awry with our parenting, and it's up to us moms to change this.

I mention Oprah, and someone else on FB mentioned the fact people watch so much TV that maybe The Biggest Loser will start to change opinions.  Perhaps some well-designed, well-placed PSA's (sandwiched between Botox & anti-depressant commercials) would help.  I think it would be great to do a series of hit-you-in-the-(expanding)-gut PSA's to be played at local movie theatres, since you've certainly got a captive audience there.  I see so many lost opportunities to create change, when instead of empowering the audience, we're bombarded with all kinds of messages telling us we're completely inadequate and surgery and meds are the answer.  And if that's too daunting, there's always the Starbucks Trenta Caramel Macchiato to gulp down during your pity party.

This is not about discrimination, or looking down on people for their choices.  This is about looking around, and ahead.  Someone on FB commented that the mother I described in the original post, was "showing her children love in the way she knows how to show it.  I hope that they will grow and learn healthier habits."  I received a few private messages in response to that comment, to the tune of, "there is no way that mom doesn't know better!  And she's hurting her children because of her own hang-ups!"  (Note: one of these comments came from someone who admitted being guilty of this herself until she decided to take responsibility for her and her children's health).  When our children are in our care, for a few precious years we have a captive audience.  It is vital that we get something this crucial (healthy lifestyle choices) ingrained in them before they are truly free to make their own decisions.  I guarantee you that if you ask any 20-something girl with an eating disorder or a serious weight problem, if she would have preferred that her mom model healthy lifestyle choices (nutrition & exercise) or given her the in-bedroom TV set, the girl would choose the former.

We get mad about the fact that the US schools are churning out kids who are illiterate and below average in math.  Just today, the NY Times published an article that only 23% of students graduating from NYC schools in 2009 were ready for college or a career.   (National Security experts must be having a cow).  But if you think about it, it's the same attitude of complacency, of "we're doing our best, they're doing their best," that's gotten us into both our educational and health crises.  Whether the sliding scale is an academic scale (down) or a bathroom scale (up), it's up to us moms to figure out why this whole weight debate strikes a nerve in each of us, what we can change for ourselves and our families, and how we can spread the health to others.  

Changing the trend in the rate of child obesity in America is not difficult as long as parents are willing to accept their responsibility for teaching their children healthy lifestyles. (From Help Cure Childhood Obesity)

We all need to make a few changes in our own lives, take responsibility for the choices our children make (and this means, accept that we are the parents and we are in charge), and acknowledge that we're all in this together so it IS our business what others do, especially since their choices impact all of us.

Is this child abuse?

Yesterday I took the kids ice skating and during the break, while the Zamboni cleaned the ice, I witnessed child abuse.  Here is how I described it to my husband Bill a couple of hours later, as we headed to a Super Bowl party.

Me: "So, while the Zamboni came out and did its thing, I sat on the bleachers next to a couple of moms and their kids.  The kids were drinking Gatorade and those big ice drinks - Icee? Slurpee?  What are they called?"

Bill rolls his eyes, knowing where I'm going with this (note: rolling his eyes at the Bad Parenting, not at my  soapboxing).

I continue: "The boy, age 11? Was eating a King Size Kit Cat.  The girl, age 12? Walks over with chocolate chip cookies from the vending machine.  The mom and the girl were obese.  The boy is headed that way."

Bill: "What is WRONG with people??"

Me: "It's crazy.  I was dying to turn to her and tactfully, diplomatically explain to her that unless your child is involved in sustained, vigorous activity, there is no need for a sports drink.  (Going round and round a rink in a 40 degree room doesn't qualify, I doubt they even broke a sweat.)  And there certainly is no need for a sugary snack, especially if the child is already clearly overweight.  It really upsets me because what I witnessed was, I suspect, the average behavior in the average American family.  That's why in a few years 1 in 3 children will be diabetic."

Bill: "What is WRONG with people??  How can people in this day and age still be drinking Coke on a regular basis???"

Me: "Well, it's like smoking.  We know it's bad, but why do so many people today still smoke?"

Bill: "That's different.  Smoking is an addiction.  People know it's bad for them but they're addicted and can't stop."

Me: "A lot of people say food is an addiction.  Sugar and carbs are addictions, according to a lot of people.  Where do you draw the line?  The problem is the average person is a moron."

Bill: "Yikes, that's harsh."

Me: "You're right, that's not what I meant.  What I meant is that to us, it's common sense.  But the average person doesn't have our level of interest in these matters, so it's not common sense to them.  It's why revamping the school lunch is such an upward battle.  The majority of the population either is unaware of what we think is obvious, or they're not interested.  Let me explain it this way:  we all have filters, as we are constantly bombarded with information.  One of my filters is, say, car maintenance.  I cannot imagine a more boring subject, and though I know it's an important thing to know about, if there is something on the internet, or in the news, about cars, I immediately tune it out.  So when it comes to car stuff, I'm a moron.  I'd say the same thing goes for the average parent, and nutrition.  When something is publicized in the New York Times or on the internet about how bad hot dogs are or how liquid calories are contributing to the childhood obesity epidemic, etc - the people who most need to make changes are the least likely to hear these messages.  Their filter is on another setting."

Larry Winget, who wrote the great book, "Your Kids Are Your Own Fault," says that if you don't teach your kids certain things like financial literacy, or that they are not the center of the universe, you are engaging in child abuse.  I know, harsh.  But he does make a good argument.  When I see parents like the mom I saw yesterday, who clearly are leading their children toward a life of low self esteem, disastrous health problems (obesity, diabetes, ADHD, heart disease, joint problems, etc.) , and all the other consequences of terrible nutrition - I can't help but think I'm witnessing child abuse.  Perhaps they're not inflicting blunt trauma on their child, but they are nevertheless setting them up for a lifetime of emotional and physical struggles.

Just now I heard on the news that a small study just revealed that ADHD can be directly linked to preservatives and additives in processed foods, and that while the study was too small to be considered definitive, we may want to consider adding more natural foods to our kids' diets.  My common sense meter tells me DUH, I don't need a bigger study to confirm that.  Unfortunately, most people will ignore that little bit of news and take the easier route (meds).

I really don't know what the answer is, how to change the tide.  We live in a time when the majority of people are overly sensitive and walking around looking for a way to be offended (like those of who who bristled at my comment above re: ADHD & meds), so it's really hard to state an opinion without being politically incorrect.  Especially when it comes to parenting - it's such a personal endeavor, that anything in connection with parenting tends to polarize people and often sends them scurrying into the background ("well, if that's the way they want to parent, that's their business, different strokes for different folks").  But I'm not talking about whether or not to breastfeed, or allow sleepovers, or accept Jesus, or say please and thank you.  This is a public health issue that not only affects everyone's insurance premiums.  When so many children are putting crap into their bodies, this has a ripple effect across our society.  Hyper children are disrupting class.  Overfed, huge 7 year olds are competing against "normal" size 7 year olds in sports (I suppose some parents would see this as a good thing).  Depression is on the rise - and I don't need a huge study to point out the link between depression and bad nutrition/overweight.  Nutrition is the foundation upon which we each build our bodies - our lives, to a large extent.  And while America runs on Dunkin, I'd say that our foundation may taste good for now but it's a glazy, sickly sweet downward slope.  I'm interested to see who can make the swiftest, broadest changes first: Michelle Obama with her nutrition awareness messages, or Barack Obama and his health plan.  Because if people don't listen to Michelle, they sure as hell better pressure their political representatives to get on the ball with improving health care coverage for all those sick children in the making.