The most important lesson I can teach you (but will you listen?)

This morning I decided to do something different in yoga class.  Unfortunately, only one of my yogi moms was the beneficiary of this exercise since the school’s delayed opening (yes, more snow!) sent everyone’s schedules into a tailspin.  But I have decided that as a yoga instructor, running/triathlon coach and health coach, it is the most important lesson I can attempt to teach.  It’s a lesson that is not limited to one’s yoga practice, but rather, it can, in fact MUST, be applied to one’s running, triathlon, parenting, career, really anything in life.  So since you weren’t in my class this morning, here you go.

You may be familiar with my smilepacing philosophy.  Basically, I believe that whether you are training for a race or competing in one, you need to smilepace.  We are so dominated by numeric gauges in our lives, and in training and racing this shows up in the form of heart rate monitors, stopwatches, splits, calories burned, lactic threshold, Personal Records, finish time, age group placement, pounds/inches lost, time spent in training, etc.  You need to have an engineering degree to keep it all straight.  In fact, many triathlon coaches are engineers as their day job. 

When I trained for my first triathlon, my coach, an awesome guy and coach, figured out all the numbers for me and every Sunday he’d email me the weekly plan, with all the numbers he’d figured out.  Yes, he’s an engineer.  I paid him to do all the calculations that to my Big Picture brain are the equivalent of liquid Ambien.  But then I realized that especially come race day, I have no interest in looking at my watch at each mile marker to see if I’m at the right speed.  Nor did I want to be glancing down at my watch to see if my heart rate was correct.  I mean, if I was going at the speed that felt right to me, if I was pacing myself according to the joy I felt at being able to do what I was doing, and was capable of smiling at fellow competitors and generous volunteers, surely I was doing the right pace, and my heart wasn’t going to explode?  Thus, smilepacing became my strategy.

I knew that smilepacing was something that could (and I would argue, should) be practiced in more than one’s swimming, biking and running.  I love to have fun.  If something’s not fun, I want out.  So if I think of parenting, housework, volunteer and paid work – if something isn’t fun, then I don’t want to do it.  Unfortunately I’m not rich enough to pay someone else to take care of the drudgery, so on a daily basis I do have to engage precious time doing stuff like scrubbing toilets, putting away laundry, mopping floors, refereeing domestic disputes, preparing meals the under-5 ft crew will certainly whine about.  That’s life.  But there are so many things in life we can choose.  Who our friends are.  How we make money.  How we help our community.  How we react to things we can’t choose. 

This brings me to today’s yoga lesson.  I started off by reading an excerpt from this brilliant book I’m studying, Yoga as Medicine: The Yogic Prescription for Health & Healing, by Timothy McCall, M.D.  I read this section aloud, Trying Too Hard:

Students often push to achieve the outward form of an asana – trying to emulate their peers or a photo from a magazine – even when their body and breath are telling them they aren’t ready yet.  That is not a balanced action, not tuning in.  It’s imposing something from the outside.  Viniyoga teacher and bodyworker Leslie Kaminoff says that achieving the so-called classical form of a posture is simply not realistic for many people.  Due to anatomical variations, yoga poses readily done by some people are simply impossible for others.  He says, “some people unnecessarily torture themselves over their inability to perform certain asanas without realizing that it’s something inherent in their body proportions or shape.”  If you have thick arms or legs, or if your limbs are short in proportion to your trunk, e.g., you may never be able to clasp your hands behind your back in certain twists, or thread one leg behind the other in Eagle pose.  Trying to make the impossible happen is a setup for frustration and injury.  If you find yourself discouraged, that, too, offers a chance to build awareness through self-study.  Why, you might ask, are you so worried about how far you go into a pose?  Is it about how you look?  Do you feel competitive with others?  Such concerns have nothing to do with real yoga and they can undermine its healing power.  Far more important than outward form, Leslie believes, is whether, as a result of your yoga, you are able to breathe more effectively or move around in a more pain-free way.

Generally, in any yoga pose you are holding for more than a few seconds, you want to move into the pose until you encounter the first resistance to further motion.  At that point you should stop and breathe slowly, deeply, and smoothly.  After a short while, something may release, signaling that it is okay to move more deeply into the pose.  This process can be repeated several times.  Yogis refer to this as working or playing “the edge.”  The resistance to movement often comes from muscles that reflexively tighten to prevent injuries.  The more quickly and forcefully you move, the more likely the muscle will contract and frustrate your efforts.  It’s one of your body’s natural protective mechanisms.  If you try to force your way through that resistance, you may tear muscle fibers.  If you breathe and soften, you may find unexpected opening.

(p. 92-3)

A few of the women I’ve been training have been afflicted by injuries.  I suppose this doesn’t reflect well on me as, well, I am after all supposed to be guiding them as they walk, run, high-and-low plank.  I probably should have read the above excerpt at the first class, and had each participant swear to me that she would adhere to its message.  Alas, I can’t control what people do, especially during the 165 hours each week that they are not under my tutelage.  Smilepacing, or breathpacing, does not come naturally especially in a culture that reveres people who go to any extreme in order to “succeed.” 

I realized about a week ago that it’s now spring, and triathlon season will be upon us in 2.5 months or less.  I have been in the pool once this year, on my bike twice, and haven’t run further than six miles at a time.  The only bricks in my life have been the bran muffins I made the mistake of baking last week – forget bike-to-run (“brick”) workouts.  Not because I don’t feel like it, but because I spend a lot of time training others.  And yet as I was thinking this over, about my lack of serious training, and what effect it may be having on my fitness level, I also thought about the fact that six days every week, I am working with beginner runners, beginner walkers, beginning yogis.  I am helping them to discover the joy of going out for a jog at 6am in 30 degree weather while the moon is still out and the family is asleep.  The satisfaction of realizing that a yoga pose you couldn’t do only last week is actually almost comfortable today.  So, I could be pounding the streets working on that 7:30 10k pace, or shaving 3 seconds off my 100 yd swim, or wearing down my bike’s rear tire on the trainer.  But that wouldn’t be smilepacingâ to me.  That would be doing what Dr. McCall suggests above, when he encourages self-study.  Of course, it is great to push yourself and I abhor mediocrity or the long-term status quo.  I see every day as a chance to improve as an athlete, a mother, a wife, a dog owner, a spiritual being, a coach, photographer, friend… I suppose it all boils down to intention.  It’s important to ask yourself, why am I doing this?  Why is this so important to me?  Am I going faster than my coach suggested, because it makes me feel more successful?  Because I need to prove something to myself – or to someone else?  Can I go out there for a jog and not take a watch with me, just go – or is this too uncomfortable for me?  And if so, why?  Smilepacing (or breathpacing) is not license to be a slacker, to stop challenging yourself, to settle for less than you’re capable of doing.  All it is, is figuring out what feels right for your body and your psyche, and then using that as your gauge to measure your pace.  Remember:  “if you breathe and soften, you may find unexpected opening.”

Why Your Past Fitness Efforts Have Failed

Why Your Past Fitness Efforts Have Failed

(and how to avoid repeating the pattern)

A few years ago, you decided to drop the baby weight. You embarked on a diet, signed up for a half marathon, and you became the epitome of a focused athlete. You crossed that finish line, experienced euphoria like never before – and then a few days later came crashing back to reality, with post-race depression. After those months of deprivation, the French fries and the truffles seemed not only well-deserved but were welcome comfort. Now, 20+ pounds heavier, you feel like a failure and wonder if you are even capable of sustaining the fitness gained through a pre-race or a boot camp program. You feel overwhelmed, hopeless, and out of control. Here’s the good news: you can definitely accomplish your goals and maintain your fitness level. You just need to be aware of your past pitfalls and have a plan for avoiding them.

Pitfall #1: Too much brawn, too little brain

No, I’m not talking about my college boyfriends. I’m talking about the way that whether spurred by January 1st, or a health scare, or a looming trip to the beach – we tend to make these drastic lifestyle changes without thinking about how they will affect our body, mind, family, schedule. We live in a society where “microwave thinking” is the norm. We don’t want to wait for something to gradually reach its natural state of readiness, instead we want instant action, instant results. The problem with this is that in terms of a fitness plan, this is not only unsustainable, but it can be unhealthy. When we go from occasionally taking a stroll with the dog, to taking kick-boxing, bootcamp, and hot yoga classes with two strength-training sessions and three treadmill runs in between – and do this for a few weeks – we are not only taxing our muscles, but we are making sacrifices in our relationships. We are increasing our stress levels as suddenly our family, the laundry piles and the boss feel neglected.

Solution: Think, then ease in slowly. You didn’t get to where you are overnight, and getting out of it will take a comprehensive, sustained effort. If you are going to stick to your workouts, you need to come up with a plan that eases your muscles and joints into new movements. Yes, it’s good to feel a bit sore the day after a workout. But you shouldn’t feel extreme discomfort, and certainly not ongoing pain. If the lean, mean, fighting machine instructor is screaming at you to go harder – ignore her. Listen to your body and trust it. In the same vein, if you are a beginning runner, for goodness’ sake run slowly. Run so slowly that you could maintain that pace all day. Do this for a few weeks and then, only then, start picking it up during a few interval workouts. The other things is, you don’t want to follow a hard workout with another hard workout. One of the greatest values of having a coach is that yes, she will push you to reach new limits, but she will also remind you of the importance of rest. All too often, we become so infatuated with our new focused lifestyle and dropping jeans size that we forget to be smart about it. You need to give your body regular rest, so your muscles can repair themselves, your laundry can be done and your spouse and kids can get some much-needed attention.

Pitfall #2: No Plan B

You crossed that finish line, earning the admiration of your family and friends, you are so proud of all you accomplished. And then a few days later the realization sets in that you no longer have that daily structure that came with planning your activities around your dates with Nike, and now that you’re no longer eating to train, your eating is quickly becoming a train wreck. Or, perhaps what happened is that you fell into Pitfall #1 (see above) and one day popped out of bed – and your knee popped at the same time. Forget your cardio workout, as you hobble around, devastated that your heroic fitness plans have come to a screeching halt. So now you go the other extreme and watch helplessly as your abs, which were finally starting to emerge from Flabbyland once again disappear.

Solution: think of goals as a moving goalpost. While training for a race certainly qualifies as a SMART (specific, measurable, achievable, relevant, time-constrained) goal, it’s not the end of the road. It needs to be one of a series of goals. In fact, it’s best to think of your goal as more of a life goal, e.g. “I will live to be really old, and when I die my great-grandchildren will boast to their friends about their great-grandma who rocked the spinning class at age 97.” The races, beach vacations, high school reunions, and so on should be more like targets. And once you reach one target, you head for the next. When life happens and you become injured, or a child is sick, or your job goes through an unexpectedly overwhelming period – and you’re forced to reduce gym time, temporarily – it’s important to reexamine the targets and readjust. In my coaching, I preach about the importance of having goals, and that most people can avoid depression, dis-ease, and so on, with a good set of goals. It is especially important to have clearly articulated goals, and to be working on them daily, even when life throws us a curve ball. If we become injured, we come up with a less ambitious goal and keep going. It may no longer be, run a half marathon in 1:35, but we are no longer the person who set that goal. We have a new set of circumstances and we go from there. The point is to keep moving forward.

Pitfall #3: Ignoring (or not knowing) the importance of the compound effect

Financially, the compound effect can be thought of this way: if you spend $4 on a fancy coffee drink every day for 20 years, you’ll have spent $51,833.79. YIKES. If you think of it in terms of health, if you consume an extra 125 calories (2 chicken nuggets off your kid’s plate) per day, in 31 months you will have gained 33.5 pounds. Of course, this also means that if during that time, you reduced your consumption by 125 calories per day, you will have lost about 33 pounds. Therefore, what ends up happening is that we underestimate our ratio of consumption to expenditure. Simply put, we are eating more than we’re burning, and we don’t realize it because we ignore the little things. But those chicken nuggets swiped off our kid’s plate sure add up!

Solution: Again, in our society of extremes, we tend to embrace the latest celebrity diet or newfangled workout. But it’s the little things that add up. If we are going to make healthful lifestyle changes, it is much easier and more sustainable to whittle away at our bad habits, than to go at them with a pickax. When you eat out, ask the server to hold the bread basket. Replace the weekly gallon of milk at your house with skim milk. Buy baked potato chips instead of regular chips. Eat dinner on a salad plate instead of a regular plate – and have only one serving. Drink herbal tea instead of hot chocolate after sledding with the kids. If you normally have three slices of pizza, have two – from now on. If you normally have two glasses of wine with dinner, limit yourself to one – allowing yourself two on Saturdays. The same goes with exercise. Somebody in one of my classes recently pointed out that a guest trainer on the Dr. Phil show said, “it’s not so much what you do during the one hour you spend at the gym, what matters is what you do the other 23 hours of the day.” Every little step counts. Actually get out of the minivan and walk around it, to close the door. While waiting for the bus, do some walking lunges. Park further away from the shop entrance. When folding laundry, squat down to pick up each clothing article. Take your kids ice skating instead of bowling or to the mall.

Pitfall #4: Unclear Motivation

So, you’re a few weeks into the New You and after the initial infatuation and seemingly effortless weight loss, you hit a plateau. You’re bored. Or your body, now used to less input (food) and more output (calories burned), in its brilliance has become more efficient. Which sucks for you, as you struggle to shed those last five – or fifty – pounds. You think, why the heck am I doing this? And in that defining moment, when facing the choice between another workout, or a cocktail with the hubby, the reason that made you stock up on Under Armour garb and throw out all the Halloween candy is now a distant memory. And the cocktails win out. For the next few years.

Solution: Before you buy that gym membership, or spend a fortune at Athleta.com, think about WHY you are doing this. And write it down. Cut out magazine pictures or print pictures you find online, of what inspires you. We are all motivated by different things. The popular thinking is that it is the intrinsic (internal) motivation that keeps us going, but the truth is that a lot of people are actually more motivated by extrinsic factors. Most of us are motivated by both. So those of us who are more intrinsically motivated, may do this because we want to live a long, healthy life; we want to see our grandchildren get married; we want to feel the fulfillment of achieving hard-earned goals; we want to be a positive role model for the children in our lives. If we are extrinsically motivated, we want to win that age group medal; be admired for fitting into our high school jeans; be the envy of our friends and better yet, our enemies; be praised by our loved ones.

When we achieve our goals and make the “right” choice during those defining moments, it’s not because we are more motivated than others. Nor is it because we are stronger of character. It is because we are clear about our goals and most of all, of the reasons we were pursuing them. And we remind ourselves constantly of why we are doing something, or saying no to something. There is no such thing as an unmotivated person. Everyone is motivated. Some people are motivated to work their butt off to run a 7 minute mile, while someone else may be motivated to work toward a spotless house, a six-figure income, a graduate degree, catching the biggest fish or improving their marriage. My husband has no problem getting up at 5:00am for a golf tee-time, but it would take some heavy machinery to pry him out of bed at that time to get him on the treadmill. It’s not that he’s lazy, it’s that he’s more motivated to play golf than to hit the dreadmill. When we are in that defining moment, is when we need to remember the WHY.

Pitfall #5: It’s not fun

I look at kids’ sports today and for the most part think, boy are we grown-ups screwing up a great thing! From a very young age, kids’ sports are structured, organized, analyzed, regulated, legislated, and so on. Stick some grown ups and a budget into anything and there goes all the fun. Even grade school PE has become a place where instead of kids running around, honing their fine and large motor skills and figuring out how to navigate egos, half the time they’re engaging in “conceptual learning” and “autonomy supported instruction” and taking tests on subjects such as body composition, skeletal fitness, muscular development… Chances are, you’re guilty of doing the same thing in your own life. Your workouts have become yet another chore on your endless lift, instead of something you look forward to.

Solution: Be a kid again! When I train and compete in triathlons, I don’t think of it as a serious endeavor. Sure, I take my training seriously in that I schedule it into every week, making my workouts as much a priority as a doctor’s appointment would take. But as much as possible, I try to keep it all in perspective. I think back to when I was a kid and my sister, cousins and I would bike across country roads (in Sweden), swim in the freezing lakes, bike home, and run around playing hide-and-seek until our moms would call us inside. Talk about a great triathlon training program! And so fun! I still try to tune into that inner playful, carefree child. Even yoga, for the majority of us who neither believe in elephant gods, nor care to stand on our heads in a populated room, nor fathom bending into a lopsided pose with an animal name without risking a fig of giggles - can be an intimidating concept. Basically, as soon as there’s a section of Target dedicated to an activity, it becomes less fun and more work, as far as I’m concerned.

Don’t get me wrong – I’m a huge fan of hard work and I think it’s something that needs to be practiced a lot more than it is. But even when I’m doing a 6 hour bike ride or a 162 lap swim or a 22 mile run, I make sure that it’s fun, that I’m smilepacing™. And the easiest way to do that is to do it with friends (support group), to laugh at the absurdity of what I’m doing, and to feel deep gratitude for having the strength and the will to do this, since after all, it is optional.

116 of my life rules

I’m a quote freak. I love reading quotes, and sending those I find meaningful to people I think may also get something out of them. I’ve decided to come up with my own list. The following quotes include a few that I’ve loved, as well as a bunch I came up with myself. I have drawn from life experiences, observations I’ve made, and lessons I’ve learned through my voracious reading. They span all sorts of subjects and mostly involve parenting, business, finding fulfillment, athletics, marriage, money. Some may be politically incorrect, many are probably controversial. You will agree with some, disagree with others. But just remember, don’t take anything personally (see #42 and #39 below). If you read something and say “Hey! I’m offended!” then I just urge you to examine yourself and your life in terms of that particular quote, and try to wonder objectively if there isn’t an ounce of truth in it… and if after that, you decide I don’t know what I’m talking about, that’s totally fine. Also, keep in mind that I am faaaaaaaaar from perfect myself and I have to work on many of these on a daily basis. Anyway, enjoy!

1. Hill repeats will fix a lot of problems in your run stride.  It's hard to run up hill successfully if your balance, positioning and focus are off.  Same goes for life.  When we are in an "uphill climb," such as when we are hit by health, financial, relationship, job, or really any crisis - is when we examine our posture and either make corrections or turn a half-mile hill into an endless steep climb.
2. Mentor a child. There are far too many children out there who lack a meaningful and positive relationship with an adult. It doesn't take much time and it is often the biggest difference between the child who ends up in jail and his friend who ends up in college.
3. Volunteering is one of the best ways to beat the blues and lose weight. Really - it's been proven. Note: I'm not talking about volunteering at your kid's school. I'm talking about helping with a cause that's all about YOU and your non-parent identity. Soup kitchen, local race, local political campaign, women's shelter, kids' hospital, retirement home... Whatever strikes your fancy, where you can hone those skills of yours, feel significant, and put your problems into perspective.
4. Our country's problems are not because of this or past administrations, or because of greedy CEO's, or because God isn't in school. It all boils down to one reason: lack of reverence toward life. Our life, others' lives, nature. I suppose some people would equate that with God, but all too often that argument becomes too filled with religious dogma. Therefore, I call it reverence for life. I suppose it's what's so appealing to me about Ironman. It is exhilarating to be among people who defy the odds and their negative inner critic and outer naysayers, and spend hours, days, weeks, months, years training for an accomplishment that is more than a medal, or a finish line. It's an experience where you are revering life, the wonder of it, and you are sharing it with hundreds or thousands of others who get it. Although I've yet to participate in these other "crazy" sports, I imagine the same holds true for mountaineers and ultraracers. Basically, any activity that requires extreme commitment, sacrifice, endurance, getting out of your head and into the flow. When you make this a part of your life, it's kind of hard to not let this reverence seep into other areas of your life.
5. There is no reason why your children cannot endure a short (under an hour) car ride without a DVD playing, a restaurant meal without a screen & keypad, a soccer practice without a snack (fresh fruit is acceptable). If you have low expectations for your children, that's exactly what they will give you.
6. Take supplements. In powder or liquid form. Your body only absorbs maybe 10-20% of multivitamin pills, so they're a waste of money. Women of childbearing age need extra calcium in their diets or their teeth & bones get soft (trust me - been there, done that). Take "greens" - powdered mixes of vegetables, fruit, flax seed, probiotics, etc. Mix it in a shake and you've got your daily fruit & vegetable requirements. The ones I use are from Life Force International and I (knock on wood) have spent the last 5 years, since using them, feeling better and more energetic than I did when I was 20.
7. The best thing a college student can do is study abroad. Preferably in a foreign language, but England is still acceptable. Being an ex-pat will broaden the student's horizons intellectually, culturally and socially. She may get a little behind in terms of college credits but that is a small price to pay for the unforgettable memories and friendships she will forge. And she will be much more interesting - and interested - for having done this.
8. When you pull out onto a street, or turn into a street, parking lot or driveway, ALWAYS look both ways. You never know when a cyclist, runner, skater or walker is about to cross your path.
9. If you shake your head at the sense of entitlement today's youth has, look in the mirror. Do you drive a Hummer? Eat crap? Cut off cyclists? Hog the left lane? Allow your unruly children to run around a restaurant? Blame the government for your problems? Complain about the way things are, but do nothing constructive to change them? Toss your cigarette butts wherever you see fit? Complain to your kid's teacher that her grade or disciplinary action was unfair? Let your kids get away with a minimal amount of chores? Allow your children to think that a cell phone, computer use, remote control, etc are rights and not privileges? Use plastic bags at the supermarket on a regular basis? Say you don't have time to work out/read a book/help the needy...? We don't have a youth problem, we have an adult problem (to quote my great friend & mentor, Bill Milliken).
10. Another reason to love triathlon: you are very likely to compete against world class athletes, who appear on TV, compete in the Olympics, are on the covers of magazines. If you're a golfer, you're probably not going to ever be in the same tournament as Tiger Woods. But I can swim, bike & run with the top triathletes in the world. And meet them. And get a photo with them. And host them in my home. Not because I excel at triathlon, but because that's just the way the sport is. Same as running, as anyone who's done a world class marathon like Boston or NY will tell you.
11. In everything you do.... SMILEPACE! When I race, I go as fast as I can while maintaining a smile on my face. So much in life is optional, even stress. I'm not a big fan of anything I find boring, painful or unpleasant. But it turns out that a lot of stuff we have to do falls into those categories. So when it comes to life stuff, I focus on the end result and try to find the positive. And find a way to make it fun, or at least less unpleasant. When training & racing, I keep things in perspective. If it's not fun, then I should find something else to do. After all, it's not like dialysis, which is not optional (unless of course you want to die). So I find a way to make it fun, a reason to keep smiling. Sometimes, like during the 6 hours on my bike in my basement dungeon, it's the thought that "I've lost it, this is nuts," which will elicit a cackle out of me. Usually, it's the reminder that "I woke up today in a healthy body, with a fantastic family, we lack for nothing and we live in an incredible country." We all have something for which to be thankful. Find yours - and smile.
12. Before becoming a parent, I'd see - and hear - certain kids that would make me think, "that kid could sure use a spanking!!" Now I'm a parent my views have changed. Instead, I usually think, "those parents could sure use a spanking!!"
13. We are rarely motivated by joy or pleasure to make significant changes. It is human to settle for mediocrity, to rest comfortably in the status quo, as lame and detrimental as that may be. The prospect of looking like a Sports Illustrated swimsuit model or being debt-free or happy will not motivate most of us to make some changes. Usually it takes a brush with catastrophe to get us off our asses. A heart attack, a diagnosis of pre-diabetes, a spouse's affair, a child's death, a repossessed car. Most people who received this link will not read this list, and most people who do read it will make zero changes.
14. Humans were born to run. In terms of evolution, we were designed to outrun our prey. If we are dis-eased it’s because we aren’t running (enough). (For further information, pick up Born to Run: A Hidden Tribe, Superathletes, and the Greatest Race the World Has Never Seen by Christopher McDougall).

2. You are fat/unhappy/broke [fill in the blank] because you want to be. If you say you want to be thin/happy/rich [fill in the blank] you would be disciplined and make different choices.

3. Positive thinking and self-affirmations, without plans, goals and action amount to nothing but delusion.

4. Triathlon involves five disciplines, not three. Swim, bike, run, eat and think. You can swim, bike and run till the cows come home but if you don’t learn the best way to fuel your body, and you don’t prepare yourself mentally, you will never achieve your full potential. Preparing yourself mentally includes having a plan for when things do not go according to plan, training smart by including rest and recovery, visualizing the goal while you train, and picking a meaningful reason for doing this so that when your motivation lags, you have something to haul you back on the bike (at 5:00am).

5. There is a difference between worry and preparation. Preparing means thinking ahead and having a Plan B and C. Worrying is the equivalent of praying for the worst. Being prepared takes away worry.

6. Your income will be the average of the earnings of your five closest friends (Jim Rohn).

7. Clean out the rolodex. Get rid of emotional vampires. Get over your guilt – those complaining, negative, whiny, critical drama queens will find another martyr. You deserve better.

8. Helicopter parenting is not only annoying, it’s terrible for your child’s development. Your child needs to make mistakes, get hurt, experience adversity. Do your kid – and society – a favor and let the kid build character and coping skills.

9. Eschew herd mentality and teach your kids to do likewise. Just because “everyone has/does” it (gives kids cell phones, wears Abercrombie & Fitch, plays soccer, drives a fancy car, vacations in Disney, has sex (teens), eats crap, watches crap…) doesn’t mean it’s a good idea. In fact it probably isn’t.

10. Treat people as if they are already behaving the way you want them to behave. This works on your toddler, husband and everyone in between.

11. It is never too late to do what will make you happy. Learn a new hobby, go back to school, fix/leave a relationship, move, finish an Ironman… Chronological age is irrelevant.

12. People who don’t have goals are likely to get caught up in unhealthy behavior and very likely to be depressed. We need goals in the following areas: health, relationships, career, finances, hobbies, parenting. And these must be written down and checked on daily!

13. Living a balanced life is a myth. Successful people live passionate lives and passion is not balanced. Each day the balance tips this way and that. The key is to feel that overall, you are spending time and resources on your priorities.

14. Read. Everyday. Especially on personal development. Others have already made the mistakes, found the solutions, and written about them. Read, take notes, incorporate the lessons into your own life. Here is a list of some of my favorites:

• Drive by Daniel H. Pink
• The Power of Now by Eckhart Tolle
• Have a Little Faith by Mitch Albom
• The Power of Intention by Wayne Dyer
• Your Kids are Your Own Fault by Larry Winget
• Total Money Makeover by Dave Ramsey
• From Me to We by Craig & Marc Kielburger
• A Purpose-Driven Life by Rick Warren
• Think & Grow Rich by Napoleon Hill
• The Tipping Point by Malcolm Gladwell
• The Art of Power by Thich Nhat Hahn
• The Go-Giver by Bob Burg & John David Mann
• The Four Agreements by Don Miguel Ruiz
• The Answer by John Assaraf & Murray Smith
• Born to Run by Christopher McDougall
• New Earth by Eckhart Tolle
• Reviving Ophelia by Mary Pipher (for parents of girls)
• Real Education by Charles Murray
• Change Your Brain Change Your Life by Daniel Amen
• The Alchemist by Paulo Coelho
• The Middle Place by Kelly Corrigan (chick lit)
• Eat, Pray, Love by Elizabeth Gilbert
• My First 100 Marathons by Jeffrey Horowitz
• The Biology of Belief by Bruce Lipton
• A Framework for Understanding Poverty by Ruby K. Payne
• The E Myth Revisited by Michael E. Gerber
• Excuses Begone! By Wayne Dyer
• Jesus Was a Liberal by Scotty McLennan
• Deepak Choprah's books
• Success Magazine
• The Mommy Manifesto by Kim Lavine
• Devotion by Dani Shapiro
• The Last Dropout by Bill Milliken
• Clearing the Mommy Fog by Susanne Navas :)

15. Avoid energy gels, drinks or bars unless exercising over 2.5 hours (if you are currently doing so, don’t go cold turkey – wean yourself). Definitely don’t give kids energy drinks unless they are endurance athletes or unable to ingest anything else due to illness; I’m convinced our childhood obesity epidemic is at least partially to blame on this stuff.

16. Staying in a miserable marriage “for the kids’ sake” is stupid. Work on yourself and work on your marriage, with sincere effort – or split up. An unhappy parent is more damaging than a part-time parent.

17. Teach your kids to save, invest, contribute to charity and spend wisely. Do not assume your kids will learn how to manage money. And don’t assume they don’t need to know about your financial problems. It’s a great teaching moment.

18. Forgiveness is not a sign of weakness. It’s the strongest, most liberating thing you can do.

19. Never, if possible, take your ex to court. Is the money and revenge worth the stress and the negativity and the lessons it teaches your kids? Becoming happy, peaceful and successful is much better revenge.

20. Context is the basis of compassion. Instead of judging someone, put yourself in their context. It doesn’t excuse abuse, infidelity, crime, stupidity – but the world needs more compassion. Refusing to judge someone doesn't mean you condone their behavior.

21. Order of importance: 1) self 2) marriage 3) children. Too often people reverse this order, leading to depression, divorce, and/or messed-up kids.

22. Stay in the present. With 2 exceptions: financial decisions and parenting. Will your short-term fix bite you in the ass later?

23. Know that whatever you are going through, you can be sure that at least one person you know is going/has gone through the same.

24. Eat at least four servings (handfuls) of broccoli per week and you’ll avoid most cancers (provided you don’t smoke).

25. Avoid buying your kids video games. Every socially inept boy over the age of 2 I’ve ever met has daily screen time. I don’t need a study to point out the correlation.

26. NEVER allow your child to interrupt adults unless it’s a medical or other emergency.

27. Teens and the elderly have a lot in common. They don’t perceive themselves as being considered important contributors to society (and society doesn't do much to change this perception), and they are increasingly addicted to drugs (and dying from it). Reach out to them and engage them.

28. Staying in your comfort zone is bad for your health. Only through discomfort do we evolve. Take a risk every day. Surprise yourself.

29. Walt Disney had it half right. If we dream it we can do it – but only with great sacrifice and a ton of hard work (10,000 hours according to Malcolm Gladwell).

30. Leave places cleaner than you found them. Pick up trash along your run route.

31. If all you talk about with your friends/spouse is what your kids are doing, or gossip, or what happened on The Bachelorette last night, you’re boring and need to broaden your interests. On the flip side, if you work outside the home and all you talk about is work - get a hobby.

32. You do not need to be in a place of worship to experience deep spirituality. Also, some of the most godlike people I’ve met never go to church, while some of the meanest people I’ve met are “religious.”

33. NEVER talk about dieting or cosmetic surgery in front of girls. 80% of ten-year-old girls think they’re fat. While some of this is because of what they hear from their peers, more of it is because you’re watching The Today Show and complaining about your thighs while the girls are in the house.

34. Diets don’t work. Lifestyle changes do.

35. If you’re looking for a significant other, think about what your ideal mate would like to do for leisure. Then go there. Hint: if you’re looking for an enlightened go-getter, hit the local Wayne Dyer seminar instead of the sports bar happy bar.

36. PLEASE don’t send Christmas newsletters. All that paper is bad for the environment. Nobody cares what your kid, dog, or Bob the Builder husband did this year. (Note: if you can come up with a summary of the embarrassing things your kids said about you at school, that would probably be well-received).

37. It’s “triathlon” not “triathalon” and “definitely” not “definately”.

38. If you do nothing else, teach your kids (or make sure someone teaches them) great manners, to read, swim, handle money, do what they love, be compassionate, eat healthy, love exercise, and converse with anyone.

39. Dig that chip out of your shoulder. We have become so overly sensitive that people who are only trying to help (politicians, school administrators, anyone with a brain and an activist’s heart) spend more time and energy tempering their message and apologizing or explaining why they won’t apologize, than working on their original mission.

40. Your kids have their own crib/bed for a reason. No matter what Dr. Sears and other Helicopter Parents tell you, just remember this: your short-term decision can (will) impact the long-term situation. Your child nees to learn to fall asleep on his own and you need a sacred, kid-free zone. Of course, if you enjoy having a kid or two wedged between you and your spouse every night, this should tell you something about your marriage…

41. If you’re divorced, this does not give you license to spoil your kids by showering them with gifts, keeping them up past their bedtime, allowing them to rule the coop and trod all over reasonable boundaries. Do your kids – and society – a favor and take your burden of guilt to the confessional booth.

42. Don’t take things personally. What I (or anyone) say and do reflects my experiences up to now. If I say “homeschooling may be great academically but provides children with too homogenous a social environment” this is not a personal attack on your worth as a parent. It just means I don’t believe it’s a good idea from what I’ve seen.

43. Friends are crucial to our wellbeing, and unlike family, can be selected. So nurture your friendships.

44. Do not count on a significant other as a source of happiness. You must first be happy with yourself. A significant other is merely icing on the cake.

45. Do not watch the news. Starting the day with the morning news and/or ending it with the evening news will do nothing for your intellect and will only make you grumpy.

46. You are more negative than you think. Don’t believe me? Write down every thought for one day. I guarantee you about half will be neutral (e.g. today is Tuesday), about 40% will be negative (e.g. I’m going to be late, I can’t believe how crowded the pool is, it’s raining again??!, how will I ever get through this to do list…) and maybe 10% will be positive (e.g. oh good, it's late enough to crack a beer).

47. If you are exercising and not losing weight (if this is your goal), then you are overestimating your calorie burn and underestimating your caloric intake.

48. If you want to get in shape and don’t know what exercise to take up, look around. If you like runners’ bodies, run. If you admire dancers’ bodies, dance. If you envy aquasizers’ bodies… you get the drift.

49. Do not medicate your ADHD child. First try this: unplug him. Remove all TV, video, Nintendo, wii, cell phone, computer. Throw out all candy, refined, highly processed foods. Enforce early bedtime and outside play. Do this for three months. If there is zero improvement, then, and only then, consider drugs.

50. Use a netipot. It is more effective than cold or allergy medication, has no side effects, and it’s cheap. Use it preventively during cold, flu & allergy seasons, and use it once you start to feel congested.

51. Before allowing your child to play football, read Dr. Amen’s book “Change Your Brain, Change Your Life.”

52. Cheerleading is athletic, and a staple of American culture. That does not mean it’s good for your daughter’s dignity, body image and self-esteem.

53. Just because a food is labeled “whole grain” “natural” “low fat” “low sugar” “organic” “healthy” – does not mean it’s good for you or low calorie.

54. Raising more than one child is the hardest thing you’ll ever do. Everyone tells you how wonderful kids are. But nobody tells you how frustrating and annoying it is. People who say it’s easy are either shitty parents, on the Mommy Pill, have a nanny or have older kids and poor long-term memory.

55. Triathlon is the perfect family sport. The entire family can train and compete together. Races will make you travel to places you wouldn’t have seen otherwise. Grandparents can compete alongside grandkids.

56. Some people say you should live together before marriage. I’d add you should travel together. When you’re outside your comfort zone and need to cope with new challenges, is when you really see a person’s character.

57. You can’t change a lot of situations life throws your way. But you can change how you look at them. Funny thing is when you change your attitude toward it, the situation usually changes.

58. You can’t change a person. No matter what your pastor tells you – preaching about Jesus, homeschooling, breastfeeding, healthy eating, etc. will be counter-productive. It’s best to exude joy and peace. People will wonder what your secret is, and come to you. No one likes militant preaching.

59. The more keys on your key ring, the more headaches (lesson attributed to my dad, the awesome John Hobson).

60. The 40-44 female age group is the most competitive for women in triathlon. I believe this is because when women turn 40, they finally decide to make their health and happiness a priority. And their kids are in school full-time.

61. I’d rather ask for forgiveness than permission.

62. It is now scientifically proven, through quantum physics, that we are not dictated by our biology. Our PERCEPTION overrules our DNA. And this applies to parenting. If we treat our kids differently because they are sick, handicapped or otherwise “special” – we are adding to their negative self-perception. (See The Biology of Belief by Bruce Lipton and Think & Grow Rich by Napoleon Hill).

63. If you smoke one pack of cigarettes a day, at $11/day (the price in NY starting in September 2010), you will spend $4,015/year on your habit.

64. Support your local business people every chance you get.

65. Pretend you’re on a reality show. Would you want national TV audiences to see you behaving that way? Think about this when you’re about to indulge in a pint, a rant or someone else's pants.

66. Vision boards work. Post self-affirmations and pictures of what you want to accomplish and/or accumulate onto a cork board and place it in a prominent place. Every time you get the chance to act toward these goals, do it. You’ll see how stuff starts happening…it's not voodoo, it's focus.

67. Before posting something on Facebook, Twitter, My Space, etc., ask yourself: if my significant other, employer, prospective employer, father, student, teacher, constituent, priest, daughter, etc. sees this, will I regret it?

68. The class of 2020 will face a very different job market from the one we see today, in terms of career options and requirements. Spanish will be the dominant “foreign” language, critical and analytical thinking will be required, and one of the hottest careers will be Tattoo & Piercing Removal (notably of those disgusting huge holes in ear lobes).

69. Every mom needs a periodic girls weekend.

70. When a couple has a baby, the mom’s life is forever altered. In general, dad’s body is still his, dad’s identity is still tied to his job, his social circle is pretty intact. Mom’s identity, work and social circle become unrecognizable unless she makes a concerted effort otherwise. A good man puts Monday Night Football and his golf game on hold. A great man kicks his wife out of the house once a week and does the laundry.

71. Do you really expect your kid to ignore peer pressure when you get a boob job, wear crocs, allow co-ed sleepovers for your high schooler, scramble to get the latest fad? Peer pressure isn’t as much overt insistence, it’s usually the subtle suggestion that “doing this” or “having this” makes you cool. Kids base their values on their parents’ values – and actions speak far louder than words.

72. NEVER tell a girl she looks or is fat.

73. There is no such thing as a bad kid or dog. Just a bad parent or master.

74. If you want a dog, adopt a rescue dog. And only get a dog if tossing fistfuls of $50 bills down the toilet doesn’t give you a heart attack.

75. Wear a helmet, a seat belt, and sunscreen.

76. Don’t let your daughter date a biker who doesn’t wear a helmet. Chances are the moron doesn’t protect his other head either.

77. If you love a book, email the author. She’ll be flattered and you may start a new, meaningful relationship (this is how I came to be mentored by one of the kindest, smartest, most wonderful men I’ve ever met).

78. Don’t waste your breath trying to convince someone about issues such as abortion rights, gay marriage, immigration rights, etc. Basically anything political or religious. You will not change their minds and you will end up annoyed. The only way people change their minds short of a lobotomy is through a major life experience.

79. “stressed” is “dessert” spelled backwards

80. 95% of illness and disease can be attributed to stress. Get rid of it.

81. You can find a study to back you up no matter what your position is.

82. Never put a TV or computer with internet access in your child’s room.

83. We all need to work harder on seeing the Big Picture. We are so focused on our immediate surroundings and instant gratification, that as parents, politicians, leaders, medical professionals, etc, we often end up solving one problem and causing three new ones.

84. Humans are social creatures. Even those of us who consider ourselves to be loners, crave the sense of belonging and unity that comes with identifying with a group. This is why kids join gangs, fraternities, teams. Why adults are more successful at kicking bad habits through AA and weight loss groups, and sticking to good habits with a triathlon or running group.

85. It is much more effective to pull people toward a positive endeavor or belief, than to fight a negative one. It’s why the war on drugs is ineffective. “Just say no” to drugs rings hollow if you don’t provide a fun, healthy alternative and draw people to it. Focusing on the negative puts energy into it.

86. If you are a jealous, possessive significant other, it’s just a matter of time before you lose your partner. Back off, work on making yourself someone your partner finds irresistible and your worst fears are far less likely to come true.

87. Never pass up the chance to take your kids on a trip, even if it means missing school. The world provides more valuable lessons than anything on a blackboard (or Smart Board).

88. Every high schooler should consult with a life and career coach, saving a fortune otherwise wasted on focusing on the wrong career or major.

89. If your daughter is seeing someone, and starts to spend much more time in her room, or dresses differently, starts doing her hair and makeup differently, her appetite changes, her friends change or disappear – chances are very good that she is being abused. Depending on the study you read, between 20-50% of teen girls are abused. Talk to her. Even if she’s not being abused, she’s not happy, and she’s dying (perhaps literally) to talk to someone!

90. Music has the power to calm a screaming baby or a ranting mom, unite foreigners who share no other common language, motivate a runner, make people happier, sadder, richer, smarter, dumber. Music is food for the soul. Make sure you enjoy a healthy tune diet.

91. If you’re going to put your baby on her back to sleep, be aware that she’s at great risk of developing a flat head. Figure out how to avoid this!

92. Give your baby at least ten minutes of tummy time per day so she develops upper body strength.

93. If your newborn is colicky, take him to the chiropractor. Babies’ spines can suffer trauma in utero and during birth, and sometimes a few adjustments will do the trick. They’re never too young for chiropractic treatment (of course, like with all practitioners, find a good one).

94. Women in general are the world’s most under-utilized, under-appreciated natural resource. If we spent less energy feeding our petty insecurities and more energy applying our limitless intelligence and resourcefulness toward helping less fortunate mothers and children, we could quickly solve many of the world’s greatest problems.

95. Nobody is too young, poor, old, busy, dumb, sick or untalented to change the world.

96. The rich spend 10% on self-improvement, and that is one way they got rich. Books, further education, coaches, seminars, etc. The richer they get, the harder it is to do this. Curiosity may have killed the cat, but suppressing your own curiosity will surely kill your chances of reaching your true potential.

97. Changing your mind is not just a woman’s prerogative, neither is it a sign of fickleness and indecisiveness. When we become more educated and experienced, changing our position is a natural consequence.

98. DO sweat the small stuff. But that doesn’t mean, stress over petty stuff you won’t remember two weeks, months or years from now. It means, every little thing adds up. Every habit – good and bad – started with one small positive step – or excuse.

99. I’m always suspicious of a perpetually immaculate household. It’s usually the sign of an unhealthy woman and/or marriage, unless there’s a regular housekeeper. (And if you drop into my home unexpectedly, I will remind you of this when your eyes wander to my pile of laundry).

100. Employees and students require three things in order to thrive: 1) autonomy – the feeling they have decision-making power and some element of control; 2) mastery – the sense that they are improving, mastering a challenge; 3) purpose – what they are doing or learning is meaningful and relevant. (See Drive by Daniel H. Pink). If your child is unmotivated at school, or you are unhappy at work - chances are at least one of these is missing.

101. When your kid tells you he wants to be a painter, dancer or writer when he grows up, never tell him to pursue something more “sensible” or lucrative. If he fans his inner spark by following his passion, ignores naysayers and works his ass off, he’ll succeed. And waste less of your money and his money on med school, rehab and divorce lawyers.

102. Most women do not (if they are to be honest with themselves) find true fulfillment in the daily tedium of caring full-time for babies and household, years on end. Much post-partum depression would be cured with part-time work (paid or volunteer), help with household chores, and a daily workout as soon as the post-partum body says it’s ok. Waiting six weeks to go for a walk is nonsense if you feel up to it; and a doctor who tells you to do so is probably getting kick-backs from the antidepressant drug manufacturer.

103. Traditional doctors are myopic and enslaved to insurance and drug companies. They are trained to find problems, not to prevent them in the first place. Avoid them by being proactive about your family’s health, and practicing prevention. (Note: obviously there are some great doctors out there, this is a general statement).

In sum…

Live with intention.

Walk to the edge.

Listen hard.

Practice wellness.

Play with abandon.

Laugh.

Choose with no regret.

Continue to learn.

Appreciate your friends.

Do what you love.

Love as if this is all there is.

- Mary Anne Radmacher

my hero stays with us!

... [Coach/husband Toni] Hasler brought [Natascha Badmann] out of her depression. "I would not be the person I am today without Toni," Badmann said. "Toni helped me realize that how I was was not the right way of thinking. So I started to think in the mornings: 'What is going to make me happy?' I start with a smile. The first people you see in the morning when you get up, you give a smile to them. And that smile will come back to you, and your day will be completely different. That is a very big thing. So simple but so useful." - excerpted from 17 Hours to Glory, Extraordinary Stories from the Heart of Triathlon (Mathias Muller & Timothy Carlson) ********************************************************

The above quoted book was one of my Mother's Day gifts. I was thrilled that Natascha was featured on the cover, and there was a chapter about her. I have been admiring her since I first started triathlons in 2005, and my then-coach told me about her. She is the ultimate smilepacer, since she smiles the entire time she's racing (well, at least on the bike & run; will have to ask her about the swim, I imagine that could be counter-productive).

A mom at 17, a party girl, overweight... At the age of 23 she was so sick of herself that she decided to turn her life around. At this point, she was working with Toni, who was coaching the Swiss national triathlon team, and working a day job, where Natascha was a secretary. Never having been athletic or active, Natascha really struggled. The first run and the first bike were over in about 10 minutes. Her swimming consisted of a flailing breast stroke. But she kept at it.

It just so happens that as fate would have it, Natascha and Toni are staying in our home this week (!!!!). My son (6) asked me if I'm a fan of Natascha's and I said "her #1 fan and with big eyes he looked at me and said "WOW. AND SHE'S STAYING IN OUR HOUSE?!" After a few moments he asked, "How come you can't get Demi Lovato to stay here?" (teen singing sensation).

So, what are Toni & Natascha like? They are completely down-to-earth, no frills, devoted to each other, devoted to the sport. My daughter (9) had a school assignment yesterday where she had to interview someone who works. Of course, she chose to interview Natascha. One of the questions was "how many vacation days do you get per year?" Natascha answered, "vacation? I'm always on vacation!" She loves her life so much. Which is why she's always smiling on the race course, even after hours at a grueling pace in sweltering heat.

Natascha is now 44 and has an excellent chance of winning this Sunday's Rev3 half iron distance race. Last year she came in 3rd in this race, then went on to podium at Eagleman. This year she has the same schedule. Toni was telling us last night that he trains his athletes in 3 areas: 1) physical 2) mental 3) nutrition. He said that nutrition is the key component that many athletes and wanna-be athletes disregard. It's been fascinating watching what they eat this week (Toni does all the cooking). They go through 40 KILOS of fruits & vegetables per week! And a glass or 2 of red wine each night (1 for Natascha). Everything is organic and nothing processed. (When a chicken nugget fell out of the fridge I quickly kicked it under the fridge to be retrieved later).

Toni attributes Natascha's extraordinary career to 2 things: focus and discipline. But I would add a third: love. Natascha clearly loves training, racing, and the people that triathlon brings into her world. She deeply loves and respects her husband and coach. Focus + discipline + love = Success.

1 week down

It's Mother's Day and we've been back in CT for about a week. The first few days I felt a tad disoriented and thought often of people who go away for military service or out into space, and return a while later to pick up where they left off. It reminded me of when I spent my college junior year in France and returned to New Jersey (Rutgers). When we left on Feb. 1, there was snow on the ground, we hadn't had time to take down all our Christmas/winter decorations (they went up late since my Ironman Cozumel trip went into December), and I had been on the brink of giving away our tremendously high maintenance puppy. When we returned, it was to a beautiful green landscape, shorts & tanks, Penny had somehow matured into a much calmer dog that could actually walk by one of Willo's toy dinosaurs without mistaking it for a chew toy. The Christmas decorations were still up.

We got back Friday evening and Saturday the kids had an audition, Sunday we had our kick-off ultimate frisbee game, Monday I had a photo shoot lined up, and another on Tuesday. The kids had medical and dental appointments, but they didn't start school until Tuesday/Wednesday since they weren't allowed back in until the pediatrician had filled out the Blue Form, ascertaining their status as healthy, vaccinated, TB-negative kids. All those actions I normally perform without thinking - unloading the dishwasher, putting away Jackie's clean socks, shifting from Park to Drive - now required a few seconds of conscious thought. Where do the mugs go? Gear thingy is on the steering wheel, not between the seats. Oh shoot, that's the panties drawer. Reminded me of the joke of "why didn't the blonde get a coffee break? Because she'd have to be retrained afterwards."

I was very sad to leave Vieques - its rustic beauty will forever be imprinted upon my hard drive (8,000 photos!) and my heart; most of all, the relationships I forged there were the kind that will be impossible to replicate. It took me 6 years in CT to develop what I consider "true friends" and yet, I consider my Vieques friends, some of whom I only knew for a few days, to be in that category. Vieques tends to draw people who are adventurous, nonconformist, curious, active, drawn to the "road less traveled." Free from the obligations of kids' extra curricular insanity I mean activities, a gym schedule, duties such as errands - getting together was a frequent, frequently spontaneous happening. In CT, if I want to see a friend, we both have to look at our calendars and after awhile decide "in 3 weeks I have a window between 1-1:25 pm, I'll pencil you in." I'm as guilty of it as the next person. In fact, by Monday my calendar started piling up as photo shoot requests started coming in, and I'm gearing up for the new Achieve Triathlon Camp for kids, for which I'll be the head coach this summer.

My life here is decidedly more isolated than it was in VQS. There, people often just popped in, either because they were in the area, or they wanted to do laundry, or ask me to take care of their dog, or have a beer while watching the puppies frolic... Here, we all keep to ourselves, which I honestly don't mind. Most of my work takes place at my desk on the computer, as I work on post-shoot stuff, as I write, research, etc. I love being alone. But I also loved the surprise visits in VQS, and I miss that. Of course, if you're going to surprise me here, the house is bigger so please don't judge me if my laundry is in a pile or there's some similar mess.

For Mother's Day the kids gave me these incredible pieces of pottery they had made in VQS. One of my favorite people in the world, Sarah Cook, is an incredible potter (I know she's going to be famous) and our last week there, she took the kids from me to make "surprise" gifts for me. They each made a bowl (unfortunately Willo's exploded in the kiln) and a plate, using local plants, with their handprint in the middle. Just awesome. Bill made me my favorite breakfast (Eggs Benedict) and gave me 2 books. Here's an excerpt from one of them:

"In our mothers' day there were good mothers, indifferent mothers, and occasionally, great mothers. Today we have only Bad Mothers: if you work, you're neglectful; if you stay home, you're smothering. If you discipline, you're buying them a spot on the shrink's couch; if you let them run wild, they will be into drugs by 7th grade. Is it any wonder so many women refer to themselves at one time or another as a 'bad mother'?"

- Ayelet Waldman, "Bad Mother"

Newsweek describes the book as "hilarious, heartbreaking, and edgy." I can't wait to read it.

The other book is a compilation of essays by some the best triathletes in the world, with my idol, Natascha Badmann, on the cover. As I return to my life as Tri Mom, and the challenge of negotiating a life of mothering, wifing, training & working, this book should help inspire me.

Speaking of triathlons, today I taught Willo to ride a bike without training wheels. Willo is already 6.5, so it's about time he get with the program. Last year he was too chicken - I let go of him, he went a ways without falling, and when he realized I'd let go he fell and never wanted to go without training wheels again. Today I told him, if you ride your bike today I'll buy you a new bike next weekend. He climbed on the bike, I gave him a push, and off he went. And that was that. I laughed, shaking my head, thinking back to when Jackie started to walk finally at 20 months (she'd been potty trained by 18), and how Willo doesn't want to work on reading. I was thinking about how with my kids, when they decide they want to do something they just do it with no fanfare and never look back. And then I thought, well, that's what we're all like. It's all about a decision, right? You want to quit smoking? Get in shape? Learn a new language? Become more spiritual? Get the right job? It's not a matter of character. It's a matter of making The Decision.

When Willo decides he's sick of not knowing how to read, that'll be the day he starts chapter books. I have a feeling it's right around the corner.

OK, off to play some ultimate frisbee :)